It Was Like He Never Existed

The day before yesterday I was writing thank you cards for gifts we've received for Caleb and our family. I asked Shawn to hand me any book to give me a solid surface, and he just happened to grab the "Devotions for Sacred Parenting" by Gary L. Thomas. I didn't take it as coincidence so after I was finished writing out the cards, I opened to the next devotional and read it. It spoke to me...a lot. So, I copied the excerpt below.

"It was Like He Never Existed"

What does a man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? Ecclesiastes 1:3

"It was like he never existed."I looked at Ernie as he spoke these words and saw the gentle grace of a life well lived. He had worked hard to support his family, and now in retirement he was pouring his energies into building up the men's ministry of his church.

Ernie chose early retirement in part because of something that occured just a few years before he left. He worked for one of the most stable and famous companies in the U.S. Until the late 80s, if you could land a job with this company, you pretty much figured you had a job for life. They paid well but demanded a lot out of their workers.

"We gave our lives to the company," Ernie said. "They took care of us, but they expected us to organize our lives around our work. If we ever said no, even once, we'd be taken off the track of promotion and kept in a vocational eddy for the rest of our careers. So we got to work early and stayed late."

One of Ernie's co-workers was a younger man in his late forties who had worked side by side with Ernie for years. One morning the man failed to arrive at work, and Ernie assumed he was sick - until a call came from his wife at 8:30 a.m. with the shocking news that the man had died. His heart had stopped while he was eating breakfast.

"They chose his replacement that afternoon," Ernie said, "and the man was on the job early the next morning - less than 24 hours after his predecessor was pronounced dead. We spent about 15 minutes giving the new guy a quick orientation, but he was familiar with what we were doing so it didn't take much. Everything ran incredibly smoothly."

Ernie paused, gazing out the windshield, before he went on. "None of the other co-workers went to the guy's funeral. They knew the guy but didn't know his family, so they figured it didn't matter much. After he was buried, as far as the company was concerned, it was like he never existed. He gave his entire life to the company, coming in early and working late, but the company didn't miss a step - not a single step - once he died. It's terrible to say this, but in a way, the company was less inconvenienced by his death than if he had taken a two-week vacation."

Ernie took me back to my hotel after a speaking engagement and dropped me off, but his words remained with me. The next day, I walked in the front door of my home, heard the familiar cry, "Papa!" and soon felt three pairs of arms around my legs and waist. We went for a walk, and Graham, who was then just four years old, held my wife's hand and mine at the same time, proudly proclaiming, "Now the whole family is together!" He kissed Lisa's hand then mine. Kelsey, then just two, got a big smile on her face when she looked back at me and called out, "Papa's home!"

Ernie's words, "It was like he never existed," hovered over me. I believe they may have been a significant factor in my decision to become self-employed.

I had that talk with Ernie more than a decade ago, but his insight will remain with me for the rest of my life. Many people clamor for our attention, but only a few make room for us in their hearts. To some our absence amounts to mere inconvenience; to others it feels like a devastating spiritual, emotional and relational black hole.

Which group will get our best thoughts, our most earnest energy, and the most productive hours of our lives? I guess it comes down to this: Whom do I really want to disappoint with my no? The kids whose faces light up when they see me? The wife who will be there for me, whether I'm making megabucks, retired or unemployed? Or a business that views me as an efficient useful cog that meets its needs at the moment, whlie seeing me as utterly replaceable?

I'm not antibusiness - not by any means. God uses businessess, large and small, to feed many families. But the truth is, we matter more to our families than we may realize and probably less to our employers than we'd like to admit.

Let's reward those whose affection is genuine and sincere.

I cried a lot after reading this passage (although the water works haven't really stopped since I gave birth, truly). I thought about the many times that I put Joshua down and tried to make him play by himself so I could write copy. I always wanted to beat the deadlines given to me so that I'd get more work. But, the truth is that when other more seasoned copywriters were available, I'd hear nothing from the company, no matter how much I'd try to go the extra mile. And poor Joshua would be begging for my attention... It makes me so sad to think of my mixed-up priorities. I so wanted to help Shawn with making enough money to pay our bills. And, while it's important that we do meet our bills - and I do LOVE to write, especially for the company I used to work for - Joshua should always come first, no matter what the deadline. Cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking, yardwork, school work, writing and other things can all come later. Shawn would constantly tell me this, but I thought he was trying to be sweet. Instead, he was speaking wisdom.

May the Lord always remind me that my children will only be little for a short while. They'll only want held by their mama for a little bit yet. They'll grow so fast and we'll miss the important moments, including the teaching moments, if we're pursuing careers and perfection in our lives. Joshua already seems so big to me compared to Caleb! May my little Bean forgive me where I've tried to do the right thing and picked the wrong. I love my family with all my heart!