Positive Discipline: Chapter 5

I'm so much further ahead in this book than what I've posted, so I'm going back now to post some interesting tidbits from the chapters. I would highly recommend this book to any mom (or dad). The next chapter (five) is on Temperament: What Makes Your Child Unique?

• While attitudes, behavior and decisions may change with time and experience, our temperament appears to be part of us for life. Although some temperaments are "easier" than others, none are good or bad, right or wrong; they are just different. Understanding your child's unique temperament will help you work with him to learn, grow and thrive.

Temperament is molded by the following nine characteristics:

• 1) Activity Level - the level of motor activity and the proportion of active and inactive parents. Parents of active children will often have to be more active and alert themselves. You'll need to provide lots of opportunities for safe exploration and play before expecting your child to focus on a task.
• 2) Rhythmicity - the predictability of biological functions such as hunger, sleeping or bowel movements. Understanding your child will help you build effective everyday routines.
• 3) Approach or Withdrawal - how does your child react to a new stimulus such as a toy, food, person, or place. If your child welcomes new experiences, celebrate. If it takes him longer to adjust, you can look for small steps to help him adjust to change without taking his reactions personally.
• 4) Adaptability - how a child reacts to a new sitation over time; the ability to adjust or change. Wise parents adjust their schedules to their child's adaptability.
• 5) Sensory Threshold - the level of sensitivity to sensory input (touch, taste, vision, smell or hearing). If your child is more sensitive to stimulation, you'll need to go slowly when introducing new things. Soft light and quiet will help him calm down, and he may become nervous or irritable in noisy, crowded places.
• 6) Quality of Mood - a rosy outlook or a constant scowl; it's all part of temperament.
• 7) Intensity of Reactions - how children respond to events around them; some wear their hearts on their sleeves and shriek with laughter or throw impressive tantrums when angry while others barely react or look up.
• 8) Distractibility - a child's willingness to be diverted from present behavior. Distraction and redirection are two of the most common and effective methods for managing the behavior of young children, IF they are easilty distracted and redirected. Your child's ability to focus on an object or task will influence his behavior - and your response. Rather than becoming frustrated and angry about your child's distractibility (or lack thereof), look for ways to make his environment safe and easy to explore, focus on solutions to the problems you encounter and recognize and accept his inherent temperament.
• 9) Persistence and Attention Span - a child's willingness to pursue an activity in the face of obstacles or difficulties and the length of time he will pursue an activity without interruption. If your child is less patient and persistent, there are ways you can help him get along in a sometimes frustrating world. Be sure he has something to engage his attention if you must wait quietly at a doctor's office. Break challenging tasks into small, achievable stpes; you can coach, but don't rush to rescue your child. When he gets frustrated, let him know that you understand his feelings and don't give up on him. You can always use humor and playfulness to defuse a frustrating situation, and walk away for a calming positive time-out if tempers flare.

It's important to understand a child's temperament and be willing to work with the child to encourage healthy development. That doesn't mean shrugging your shoulders and saying "that's just the way he is." It means helping a child develop acceptable behavior and skills through patience, encouragement, and kind, firm teaching. For instance, a child with a short attention span will still need to learn to accept some structure. The key is to find balance. The first step is to determine what will work for all family members, including you as a parent. Finding balance between your needs and those of your child can take some time and practice, but learning to accept and work with the individual, special temperament of your child will benefit you both as the years go by. (Then there are suggestions for the various temperaments.)

Work for Improvement, Not Perfection

• It may be wise to ask yourself occasionally, "are you looking for blame or are you looking for solutions?" The more you know about temperament and effective parenting skills, the better you will be at finding solutions that help your child develop into a capable individual, despite his differences and uniqueness.
• Use kindness and firmness with children. Kindness shows respect for the child and his uniqueness; firmness shows respect for the needs of the situation, including a child's developing need to learn social skills.
• By understanding and respecting your child's temperament, you will be able to help him reach his full potential as a capable, confident, contented person. And there's a bonus: you'll probably get a lot more rest, laugh more and learn a great deal about yourself and your child in the process.