Joshua has done amazingly well with this transition. He's never tried to touch Caleb, let alone hurt him in any way. He just points to him and says "Baby!" He is curious about Caleb eating, though. I think it started when I yelped out in pain as Caleb was latching (they say this, too, shall pass). Joshua came running and looked very confused by the whole situation. I explained that I was giving Caleb some lunch. Joshua said, "eat!" I said "yes, exactly." Then Joshua shook his head. He pointed and said, "drink!" I was amazed. I guess that is a little more accurate after all.
Joshua has been talking more in two-to-three word sentences. He's also repeating everything. Today Grandpa Georgia & Annette are here to play with Joshua, and everything Dad says Joshua repeats. It's really cute to listen to. Annette said in her very southern draw "uh uh uh" and Joshua repeated it. I cracked up! Joshua has been great to play with whoever we had lined up to take care of him from Grandma to Nonie to Grandpa Georgia, and tomorrow my sister Jen is taking him for the day (along with Grandpa Georgia). I pray that he's having a fun time, and I feel blessed that others have stepped in to give him the attention he needs while I can't be on the floor with him, can't be going up and down stairs, can't lift him, etc.
Joshua does seem a little disappointed with me bringing home the new baby. I can just tell. Last night he didn't want me to read him his story and opted to go to bed without it. But, this morning since he didn't remember Dad right away, he came into the nursery where I was feeding the baby and wouldn't leave my side at first. I'm hoping this is the end of the hard feelings. I love my little (now seeming so big!) Bean. It drives me crazy that he's so sad and seems to blame me for this overall change in his life. Someday I know they'll be friends, but right now I'm sure it's rough sharing the attention. My mom said she heard it likened to a husband bringing home another wife to share your clothes and make-up, etc. This brought tears to my eyes. While I know that's a little different, I'm sure that it does feel somewhat hurtful to Joshua to have this new little life here. Yet he still has this gentle spirit and is so good around the baby.
Joshua has also been getting up in the middle of the night again. Last night he caught me at the end of the feeding going back into our room, so I laid down the baby and then went and put him back to bed. He cried for awhile but finally fell asleep again. He was doing so well. But, I think he's wondering if we're still here in the middle of the night and comes over just to make sure. He's not throwing a fit, he just seems sad when we don't pick him up.
Overall, he's doing a great job given the circumstances. He doesn't understand why mommy cries (although truly, who really understands hormones???) and why this new baby has been getting attention. But, other than a few fits, he's doing better than I expected. What a great big brother!
When we got home, Shawn moved the pack 'n play from our living room to our bedroom. Even though the crib is ready, I wasn't sure about having Caleb in another room yet. Would I hear his cries even with the monitor with how tired I was feeling? I wasn't sure. Unfortunately, with everything going on, Joshua quickly woke up and didn't want to leave our sides to go back to bed. The night did not start off too well...
Caleb looked so small in the car seat. Joshua was only four pounds coming home and looked tiny, but we quickly forgot how small a little guy can be. Caleb was NOT a fan of the car seat and cried from the moment he was put in until the car was started moving at a good clip. The first night at home, he didn't sleep a wink at night. I also didn't realize how painful it would be to try and crawl into a normal non-adjustable bed. I bawled most of the night along with my newborn. I'm still getting used to the feeding process, too, and I felt very overwhelmed. I also was shocked at how big Joshua looked when I got home. He's definitely not a baby anymore. I think I'm feeling the post partum blues...
The hospital makes you sit in a wheelchair to leave with your baby, and a nurse pushes you out. That way, you know no one is stealing a kid. I can't believe how much stuff the hospital gave us to come home with. We got a new diaper bag, diapers, pads, formula in case we needed to supplement, pacifiers, and other things for the baby and momma. I remember the NICU giving us some things as we left, but we had also been there for a month and gotten to know the nurses. These nurses had just met us and were showering us with blessings. I also had to laugh - the nurse who was leaving her shift as we were told me that her 50+-year-old mom's name was Valerie Good. The nurse's name was Jessica Good and her mom was Valerie. How funny! Unfortunately, I had went to high school with the nurse before her, and we had played in the orchestra together. It's a little odd catching up as someone is examining every area of your body...but she was nice and I'm sure she sees it all everyday.
I was not expecting the transition home to be so difficult. I knew it would be harder than the first time since I didn't have to care for any kids and could just come home and rest while the NICU took care of the Bean, but I didn't expect to feel so emotional. Joshua has been wonderful with the baby, and doesn't seem to be jealous. He's been nothing but sweet. So, it could be worse. But, with little sleep and lots of soreness, it's been a roller coaster for us all. Shawn's also exhausted. And while my mom has been a HUGE blessing, she goes back to work Monday. Please pray for us these next few weeks. I'm nervous but know God will carry us through.
Caleb did finally sleep some last night, and Shawn was very sweet in taking him in between the feeding he didn't so that I could rest. Unfortunately, Joshua didn't sleep so well. Shawn again took care of him. But, he returns to work tomorrow as well, so I'm going to be on duty tonight for good. May the joy of the Lord be my strength! I have to keep remembering how blessed I am to have such amazing children and a wonderful husband and a mom who has been more helpful than words could express. I could have it much, much worse!
So far, Caleb is my little snuggle bug. He LOVES to be held by the Mama. And, I love cuddling with him. He seems so tiny compared to Joshua now, yet so big compared to my first newborn baby.
Daddy is also in love with his newest bundle of joy. Shawn's a great father to both his kiddos. He's been the diaper changer in the hospital and is doing a great job as I try and recover.
Caleb is so precious. I didn't know what it would be like to have two kids. Could I love anyone as much as I love Joshua? The answer is a resounding YES! I love this little guy so much already.
Please pray that we would both be healthy and do well once we get home.
For anyone who would like to visit us in the hospital, we would love to see you. However, I'd like to ask that you call first and make sure we're feeling up to it. Even though this is our second kiddo, I still don't really know what to expect. Most likely we'd be thrilled to see you, though. I'll post pictures as soon as I can!
With Great Grandma Kennel in the hospital, Grandma & Grandpa Ginder drove up from Florida and we've been blessed to be able to spend some quality time with them. Yesterday they took the Bean to the petting zoo, which gave Shawn & I some time to do some last minute shopping so we're prepared for this upcoming week.
The questionnaire said to try each item out with your child when he is well fed, well rested and interested in playing. Some of the questions I decided to wait and try today, just to make sure my hunch is correct. The best question, though, was "will he mimmick you if you open and close your mouth, pat yourself on the cheek, blink your eyes, and pull at your ear lobes?" I've seen him try to do the doctor's fishy faces and mimmick some of our behaviors (which is how I taught him his ears go wiggle-wiggle, etc.) but to make sure, we're asking him to do some of these things. So, Shawn said, "Joshua, can you do this?" and he patted himself on the cheek. Joshua went right up to him and smacked his cheek, like "sure, Dad, if you want me to hit you, I can." I laughed and laughed and laughed. What a ham! And so innocent!
I haven't taken many pictures in the last few days, so I borrowed these off the Ginder blog. I can't believe how big Joshua is getting to be by the day. Yesterday as we were counting, he said "six" after I said "five." I wasn't even planning on saying six because we were heading into the family room, where there were only five steps. Each day he does something that amazes me. And, each day I realize there's more to teach him...what a big world we live in!
Yesterday I also found a lab that was open to get my bloodwork done since my doctor's office insisted it had to be done on Saturday, that Monday was much too late for my Tuesday surgery. So, we went in as a family, much to Shawn's displeasure. I got up early and was there before the doors opened, knowing the place was probably going to be packed with it being a holiday weekend, etc. I was right. Even getting there early, I had to wait in a long line. After sitting for an hour, the lab technicians told me that although I was within my 72-hours of surgery, I was cutting it too close. What?!?!?! They explained that the blood they were drawing was to be available to give me in case I would start bleeding during surgery. I was right at 72 hours, so if I would start bleeding an hour or two later, my blood would no longer be good. I told them I didn't really care, especially since my doctor's office was specific about getting the bloodwork done Saturday and me having to find an open lab. They said that I needed to come back Monday morning and that I was given bad information. Then they kept my paperwork and told me that I should be there when they opened (which is closer to 6 am on weekdays) to make sure that they had enough time to process it. Why would my doctor's office schedule c-sections on Tuesdays if the whole process is such a hassle? And, why would they say Monday is too late if the lab said Monday's when I should come? I was frustrated...and still sort of am. As long as I get to see my little guy no later than Tuesday, I guess I'll get over it.
Okay, so it's not exactly a campfire, but this is sure a camping chair - the perfect size for our little guy! He's too active to sit for too long, though!
Joshua had his first not-so-great night sleeping in his big boy bed Sunday night. Around 3-4ish (can't remember now), I heard a little voice saying "up, up!" and my eyes opened and realized I was nose-to-nose, blue-eyes-to-blue-eyes with my precious son. Daddy took the first turn putting him back in bed. Then I took a turn half an hour later when I heard the little voice again. When he came back in later, I took him back and laid down with him. Eventually, he fell asleep and I went back to our room. He wasn't throwing a fit, he wasn't crying, he just seemed awake and kind of sad. 
If that would have been our first try at a big boy bed, we may have reconsidered the crib situation. But, other than that night, he's actually done really well. And, I was so happy he came right over to our room. Daddy forgot to put the baby gate up that night in front of the bathroom door and stairs (not that Joshua can't get it open, but we normally would hear it first). Instead, he came right over, so that's nice. And, he didn't fight us to go back to bed. I guess I'll be getting up throughout the night soon enough anyway!
Joshua and I have been coloring pictures, playing outside, putting together puzzles and his train blocks and hanging out. We sing and read and spend all day together, just waiting for Daddy to come home (or me to go into labor...no such luck yet!)
