Rude is Rude

This is one of the excerpts from the "Devotions for Sacred Parenting" by Gary L. Thomas (2005) that Aunt Missy bought us when Joshua was born. As you can see, I'm not faithful to read it every week, but I pick it up from time to time, especially when I've had a particularly rough day or week . For whatever reason, yesterday I just wanted to scream. It wasn't necessarily anything that was Joshua's fault. I was just in a bad mood. For the past two weeks, it seems like every single set of plans I've made have fallen through. From friends with sick kiddos to business meetings that came up for other folks to schedules just not working out, literally just about every day I had something that was meant to be fun get cancelled, including getting my hair done (which it desperately needs). While none of the individual things bothered me, after a couple of weeks of everything being cancelled, I was going stir crazy, even when getting outside in our backyard. I was running out of ideas to keep Joshua entertained, and I know that that's what I need to do to keep him from banging his head. So, last night after class and a few groups of students who can't work well together as a team, I sat down to read this devotional. Once again it spoke to me of God's heart toward Joshua and my disobedience at treating him like 'another chore.' I love him more than life itself, but yesterday I treated him more like "another thing I have to do" rather than the precious little one he is. I thought I would share my heart and the words of the devotion in case it would speak to anyone else feeling the same way...

RUDE IS RUDE

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven." Matthew 18:10

Jesus tells us that the heavenly Father never misses what happens to one of his "little ones," so we can feel certain he sees everything going on behind our walls.

Is that encouragement, or a warning?

We need to remember that a smaller person is not "less" of a person; a younger person is not less valuable than an older person - but why as parents do we sometimes take liberties with our children that we would never take with anyone else?

Miss Manners' take on this is as right as it is blunt:
"Rudeness to children counts as rudeness. The fact that people are smaller and blood relatives does not mean that it is open season on insulting them. Besides, it teaches them the technique and thus leads to such tedious exchanges as, "Don't you dare talk to Mommy like that," "But that's what you said to me," "That's different," "Why is it different?" and so on. What makes it different is that when children do it, parents call it "sassing" and when parents do it, parents call it discipline."

Parents who are rude to their children have forgotten that their children belong first to GOD. These are not OUR children to do with as we please; they were made by God, and He has designed a unique future for each one of them. If we complicate that future by belittling them and tearing them down instead of building them up, we work against God's purposes - and we can be sure He will call us to account.

We're not raising crops, nor are we caring for pet hamsters. As parents, we are called to shape and influence living human beings - made in the image of God - for whom Jesus Christ died. Our actions can have severe consequences, and we have the power to shatter these fragile beings. Some parents inflict this damage subtly, perhaps by a constant barrage of perfectionistic banter that guarantees their kids feel like they never measure up. Maybe we wound them in a passive-aggressive way, maliciously withholding the affection we know they crave, with the result that they slip into a life of promiscuity. Maybe we get too busy and by our neglect fail to train them adequately, with the result that they make poor financial or life choices and end up ruined.

Whatever our failing, the stakes couldn't be higher - for us and for our kids. A parent's malicious act of neglect can devastate the child as much as it spiritually ruins the parent, for to become our children's enemy is to become GOD's enemy. Jesus warns us, "But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believes in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6).

"Well," some might say, "what if my child makes himself MY enemy?" Even so, how does Jesus tell us to treat our enemies? To be rude to them? To belittle them, shame them and make them feel small? No! Jesus says, "Love your enemies" (Matthew 5:44).

God feels so passionately about our children's well-being that He did not spare even His own Son in His desire to secure their eternal destiny. Will a God who offered the supreme sacrifice, who paid the highest cost imagineable, fail to even NOTICE the rude ways we respond to our children? Will a heavenly Father so engaged in their spiritual health forget to watch what's going on in our "private" homes?

According to the Bible, there is no such thing as a private home. Children have spiritual beings charged specifically with watching over their welfare: "See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven" (Matthew 18:10). To invite a child into your home is to guarantee divine presence and notice. Perhaps the presence of children can remind us that we don't live in secret; we live in full view of an active God who judges our actions.

God cares. God watches.

This week, remind yourself that God hears every conversation and sees every act. We said it before, but let's say it again: GOD IS IN THE ROOM.

Dear God, thank you that you have angels in heaven designated over Joshua. Thank you that you hear every word, see every deed and know every thought. Thank you that you care about us so much to remind us of your love and devotion toward us. Please forgive me when I've treated Joshua more like a chore than a person created by you and for you, in your image. Help me to treat him like I would want to be treated, showing him love, encouragement and respect at all times, even when I'm frustrated or grumpy. Help me not to neglect him even when I'm busy or tired. Give me the patience to lead him in a path that honors you, and help me to know when and how to discipline him to help him grow in character but at the same time realize that he is loved unconditionally. I realize that the stakes are high and that I'm dealing with the life and destiny of one of your sons...please teach me how to be a better parent and forgive me where I fall short of your glory. Please take care of Joshua and speak into his life as only you can. In Jesus' name, AMEN!