Thankful For...Our New Baby

On November 6, one year after Joshua's due date, we found out that we're going to be having another little one! Since we were so close to Thanksgiving, we decided to wait to tell our family & friends until most everyone was all together for the holidays. I'm TERRIBLE at keeping secrets, but I did okay this time. There were many times that I thought someone might catch on (I was hot, hungry, nauscious, etc. on a few occasions) and Bonnie & my mom had mentioned wanting another grandchild to Shawn & me and we had to bite our lips to keep from giggling or spilling the beans. But, we made it to Thanksgiving Day. I called my Dad in the morning and told him to start making his travel arrangements for July. At Mom's house, we went around the table to say what we were thankful for. Shawn was last and talked about being thankful for Joshua and thankful that in seven months...that's all he got out that I remember. Everyone cheered, especially my mom. I was glad that she was happy since this has been a really difficult time for her.

With the extended family at Mike & Bonnie's house, we didn't get to see both Nonie & Poppy together until the end of the evening when we were just about ready to leave. So, we told them then. We told Grandma & Grandpa Ginder & Aunt Erica when we arrived Friday night. Shawn called Missy & Kevin and Brian & Gayle to let them know. I've also told a few friends and my class last night when they asked how my Thanksgiving was, which everyone clapped. I was surprised. They are good kids.

Because of some issues over the weekend, my doctor ordered a STAT ultrasound yesterday to make sure everything was okay with the baby. We got to see him/her for the first time! We saw the little heart beat, the head and body, the arm buds beginning to form, and the legs. I'm a little over seven weeks, with my due date in July. We'll find out if we're having another amazing boy or a precious baby girl in March. We're thrilled with the thought of having another little one to bless our home with joy.

Last night Shawn & I gave each other a hug, and Joshua was in the room with us. He smiled and so Shawn and I started to dance in this embrace. Joshua came right up to us, clutched onto my pant legs and started to dance with us. We could see his moves in the mirror and we were all cracking up, including the Bean. Children are such a joy from heaven. I pray that God gives us wisdom & strength to raise them both well. And, I'm also praying there are no more complications with this pregnancy. We're believing in a completely healthy little one!

Thankful for...Family

We had a wonderful day on Thanksgiving. We went to Mom's house for lunch with my sister Jen, her husband Mike, their daughters Grace, Faith & Emma and their son Daniel; my sister Becky and her husband Tim; and my mom's friend Pat came to visit her and Jamie. Jamie was able to eat some of the Thanksgiving goodies in bed, and Joshua ate off his new cute Thanksgiving plate sent to us from Grandma & Grandpa Ginder (thanks!). After lunch was finished we played some games before we headed to Mike & Bonnie's house for supper. There we saw Brian & Gayle & Grant, Alicia & Jordon, Hilary, Grandma & Grandpa Stoltzfus and the rest of Bonnie's family. That night, Joshua spent the night at Nonie & Poppy's. It was our first night apart since we brought him home from the hospital. I cried most of the night. Mike & Bonnie are great with Joshua, and I'm sure he would be good for them. Still, I missed him. He was overwhelmed with all the people and got cranky until the evening was over. They said after everyone left, though, he was happy and playing. Friday morning, Shawn & I got up early to go shopping, but there was very little advertised that we wanted or needed. So, we hit a couple stores and ended up spending a good chunk of the morning going out for breakfast just the two of us. We then went to Home Depot & Lowe's to pick out some finishes for our house like our doors & lighting, etc. We bought some items online, packed our things for the weekend and then headed up to Berks County to pick up our little Bean. We left Nonie & Poppy's house to head north to see Grandma & Grandpa Ginder. Joshua did well the first two hours of the trip, and cried the last two hours. Ugh! When we arrived, a delicious meal of chicken corn noodle soup, deviled eggs (which I'd been craving), bread & spice cake cupcakes were waiting for us. Joshua then motored around their house with the new "hungry hippo" toy they bought him. He also loved the new chicken dance elmo, and I think the new Christmas outfit is absolutely adorable. Thanks so much! We camped out in Aunt Erica's room on our air mattress, and in the morning we got to see most of their auction. Everything sold but the camper & house. Since the entire house was all but empty, Joshua enjoyed motoring around (with his toys) in this wide-open space. We went out to eat that night and left Sunday around lunchtime to come home. It was a nice time of seeing family, and we love our entire extended family. We were sad we missed seeing Aunt Missy & Uncle Kevin, my Dad who called me the morning of Thanksgiving, and Shawn's grandparents, etc. We are thankful for our entire family...

Random Thoughts

SNOW before Thanksgiving?

Yesterday we woke up to snow on the ground. It wasn't a ton, but it was enough to keep our yard from getting evened out where the tree had been and our driveway from being paved. On my way to school last night, I realized that 101.3 is playing all Christmas music. I haven't even tasted the turkey yet! I think Christmas comes earlier and earlier each year. While I enjoyed singing along to a few of these songs, I don't really start thinking about Christmas until Black Friday...shopping here we come!

House Renovation Update

Our driveway is now paved, our dining room trim is up, we have pull-down stairs to our attic and trim in the dining room. Our house has been a flurry of activity the last few days with people giving us quotes and starting to arrive to do work, etc. Our contractor said his goal is to have everything completely finished by Christmas, including our new kitchen IF the cabinets will come on time. I hope they will! While our house is utter chaos and will be for awhile (if there was ever a time to work outside the home, it's now!) it will be so nice when they're done. Nice probably isn't the word (cosmetically it won't look much different); efficient is problem a better term. With a new roof, windows, furnace, plumbing and electric, our house will run properly. Looks? We'll have to wait awhile, save up some more money and work hard ourselves at trying to make it look nice.

Update on Jamie

Most of the time when I'm at Mom's house, Jamie is sleeping. But, I read this on Mom's online journal and laughed out loud (most of the time I cry from reading this site)...

"His speech is still garbled most of the time, or if he does get a word out, it's the wrong word. He seemed to realize this yesterday morning, because he said clearly "Oh, man" (just like Swiper the Fox on Dora the Explorer!) and then "It's all mixed up." He slept a lot yesterday, 4 or 5 hours at a time. Last evening Becky and Tim stopped in. He knew them, and reached up first to shake Tim's hand. After they left, I was getting him settled for the night. Then I said to him, 'Who loves you?' (a game we play with the grandkids) and he answered, clear as a whistle, 'Fulton Bank.'"

Thankful for...Shawn

Chronicles 29:13 Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name. I remember praying every night that the Lord would bless me with a partner in life, a husband. I clung to God's promises like Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." It seemed like every night when I would be praying about this subject and actually for the safety, health and well-being of this precious man, I would look up at the clock and it would be 1:11 am. So, 111 seemed to have significance for me in my life, as a promise from God that he would fulfill this dream. Shawn and I met each other as friends in '99 and started dating in early '00. I knew from the start that he was trustworthy, respectable, kind, gentle and compassionate...not to mention handsome. As we've dated and been married, I love so much more about him.

When we were planning our wedding, it just so happened that January 11 (1/11) was a Saturday; however, the church or the reception place was already booked. God had already answered my prayer, so I let it go and we planned our wedding for March 1. I had wanted an evening wedding, but our church has a Spanish City Congregation that meets Saturday nights, so we needed to be out and cleaned up no later than 3:30. We decided two hours would give us enough time for the ceremony and pictures afterward, so we planned on a 1:30 wedding. Our rehearsal night, Pastor Mark said our quartet should start somewhere between 1:00 and 1:30 and I asked Brenda (the woman who was playing cello and heading up the group) how much music they had prepared. She said they had just about 20 minutes worth...our wedding started at exactly 1:11.

I definitely see Shawn as a gift from God. He is so giving, so thoughtful, so self-less. He spends a lot of time with Joshua and is very helpful with him. He always tries to do the right thing, even if it's not the easy thing. He displays the fruit of the Spirit, but he doesn't boast and isn't overbearing. He isn't demanding, and he takes care of us. Last night Joshua wanted to be held while I was at school, so Shawn put aside his own agenda for the evening to hold the Bean. Then when I got home, I was exhausted and wanted to be held too. Again, he waited for work he needed to get done to spend time talking with me about my day. He's an even better husband than what I asked God for...He gave me an even better gift than I could have ever dreamed or hoped for. Today I'm thankful for Shawn, my amazing husband.

Holidays Commence

Going to the funeral home with Mom on Friday (thanks, Nonie, for watching Joshua again for me!) opened my eyes to how many decisions you need to make regarding 'final arrangements' and how much everything costs. Wow! The funeral director (or undertaker...what are they called these days?) was talking about what ashes feel like from cremation and I honestly almost lost my lunch right then and there. Mom is not planning on getting Jamie cremated, but the thought of touching someone's ashes...well, I still don't even want to think about it. The place was ungodly hot...or my black sweater was much too heavy...and I felt sick. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to plan my spouse's funeral...I think it would be emotional torture. Mom's doing well, but has had her moments of grieving in between company. Please continue to pray for both of them. Jamie's brothers from Myrtle Beach flew & drove in to see him this past weekend and his daughters finally went to see him today. I think most folks have said their goodbyes and released him in their minds to heaven.

On Saturday Shawn & I took Joshua to the mall where we met Missy & Kevn and their puppies, Brian & Grant (Gayle came later), Alicia & Jordon and Bonnie & Grandma Good to get Christmas pictures of the grandkids. It was also ungodly hot in Picture People, too, and the entire event was an experience...enough said. Here were the pictures that Missy bought:

This morning was supposed to be Daniel's dedication, but Jen postponed it until a time when Mom could be there. Tomorrow is a busy day of getting our driveway paved (if the weather holds up), our front yard evened out from where the tree was removed and our insulation guys are coming to measure the house. A full day even before you count school in the afternoon! I think this week will fly by...and then it will be time to taste Tom Turkey!!! Yummm...

Thankful for...Joshua

1 Chronicles 16:8 "Give thanks to the LORD, call on His name; make known among the nations what he Has done."This afternoon as Shawn was going through some paperwork, Joshua and I were playing in the office. He would giggle as he would toss the "soccer" ball that goes "BOI-INNNG!" to me and I would roll it back to him. We were having a fun time, and I thought about how much my life has changed since Joshua has become part of our family. Any time he's not by my side, from naps to time spent with grandparents, I find myself thinking about him and wondering if he's okay. I treasure his smiles and laughs, I love his chatter, and any chance at snuggling with him bring such peace to my heart. I'm thankful that Joshua is doing well, that he isn't having a hard time breathing, that he's learning and growing, and that he's an overall very good kiddo. While we have our challenges, he's not really a challenging baby, I don't think. For the most part, I think the 'learning curve' has been all mine. I think he is sooo cute, so sweet and so fun to be with. Today I'm so thankful that God decided to bless us with Joshua.

How to Say Goodbye

Tomorrow I'm going with Mom to the funeral home while she makes arrangements. Hospice suggested she call now and hear options while her mind is still somewhat clear. My niece Faith has been asking a lot of questions, including "When can I get to visit Jamie if he's in heaven?" and "Is heaven forever?" and finally "Won't Grandma be sad if Jamie has to go to heaven? Will she be lonely?" Soooo sweet, and yet so sad. My prayer is that he doesn't suffer. He can't move, can't talk, can't eat, etc. I heard the song by Michael W. Smith "How to Say Goodbye" on the radio, and I got teary. Here are the words:

Tell me when

the time we had slipped away

Tomorrow turned to yesterday

And I don't know how

Tell me what

can stop this river of tears

It's been building up for years

For this moment now

Here I stand

Arms open wide

I've held ya close

Kept ya safe

Till you could fly

Tell me where

the road ahead is gonna bend

And how to harness up the wind

And how to say goodbye

Tell me why

Why does following your dreams

Take you far away from me

And I knew that it would

Tell me how

to feel the space you left behind

And how to laugh instead of cry

And how to say goodbye

Here I stand

Arms open wide

I've held ya close

Kept ya safe

Till you could fly

Tell me where

the road ahead is gonna bend

And how to harness up the wind

And how to say goodbye

On a happier note, Joshua is getting bigger by the day, and not just physically but his whole being. He says "uh oh" clear as day and at the right time when he accidentally dropped something, understands when he's not allowed to do something, tries to laugh and make you forget that you're trying to discipline him, and is just showing how sharp he is over and over again. He looks for toys that have dropped or rolled and figures out how things work more now...I can't really put it all into words, but I can just see him maturing. My little Bean...becoming such a big boy! Here is one picture from our Christmas poses that we did not order but that cracked me up. It's horrendous of Shawn and me, and Joshua looks positively terrified!

Thankful for...the Seasons

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Today I met a friend for lunch and on my drive back, I noticed how beautiful the leaves look...it was a breathtaking display of dark reds, firey oranges, brilliant golds and bright yellows. It made me appreciate the sign of seasons changing. Each spring I'm thankful to see flowers blooming and green growing, but I'm just as happy to see the leaves start to change color as a sign that fall has arrived. Even Christmas lights outside are a welcome sign that winter is approaching, a time for snuggling up next to the fire, breaking out our wintery sweater wardrobe and spending quality time with family and friends. I think each season offers a glimpse of hope that change is just around the corner.

I'm glad that seasons in our life change, too. I remember worrying over homework in high school and my sister reminding me that "this, too, shall pass." And it did. From days spent in high school to days spent in college to long days spent at work...these days are gone for now and a new season is here of needing to spend time pouring into Joshua's life. Even in the short year of Joshua's life, there have been many changes from holding a snuggly little guy while feeding him a bottle to watching him learn how to cruise around and not want to be held as much...

Right now with Jamie's days numbered, it feels like a "time to die", a "time to weep" and a "time to mourn." But, I'm grateful that this, too, is a season. And, with God's grace there's a "time to be born," a "time to laugh" and a "time to dance" around the corner. For as we see the changing of the seasons, we recognize God is still in control and bringing about change in both the weather and our lives. Today I'm thankful for the seasons of life. May we enjoy each one with grace and thanksgiving in our hearts.

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Thankful for...Salvation

Psalm 136:26 Give thanks to the God of heaven. His love endures forever.

I'm thankful that Jesus paid the price for our sins by dying on the cross. I'm even more thankful that he rose again on the third day! Now we have hope that when we die, this is not our end but a beautiful beginning in heaven for all whose name is written in the book of life. I'm thankful that Jesus showed us the way to heaven, and that the way is not by our 'goodness,' our works or our nature. For if it were, none of us would enter. Instead, we are welcomed just by believing him, admitting that we are sinners and need him for salvation. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. Today, I am thankful that we have hope for all eternity through Jesus Christ.

Last Days on Earth...

***Update from Mom's Online Journal:

A quick update: Mike, the LPN who usually takes care of Jamie, was here giving him a shave and a bath. He noticed Jamie grimacing when they were done; I saw it, too. He went over to him and asked him to answer him by shaking his head yes or no. Are you having pain? nodded--yes. Does your head hurt? nodded--yes. He called and spoke with an RN. Then he gave Jamie a dose of tylenol and told me to ask him if he has pain at 1:00. If so, they have ordered a very small dose of liquid morphine that I am to give him (2 drops), wait 30 minutes, if pain give 2 drops, wait 30 minutes if pain 2 more drops and call the RN. Mike explained the swelling and/or the tumor puts pressure on the brain; since one's head is enclosed, there is no way to relieve the pressure and it can cause great pain. He has worked with Jamie long enough that he could read his expression, and I totally agreed. Thank God for hospice nurses! I had also thanked Mike for getting Jamie in the shower on Monday and told him how much he enjoyed that. I got a little teary and so did Mike; he had to wipe his eyes. He has great compassion. ***

The nurses think Jamie's seizures are not a result of medicine decrease but are from the tumor itself. When Joshua & I went over yesterday, Jamie couldn't talk or respond, was foaming at the mouth and snoring whether he was awake or not. He also threw up, which Hospice said is related to the seizures. He's running a fever, too, which they think is caused by the tumor. One of my mom's friends is an RN who told her that Jamie will probably not be with us for more than a week or two. No one knows for sure, but Hospice gave mom paperwork on what to expect during his final moments and asked if she wanted to have him moved to the inpatient facility, something they haven't asked before this since it's reserved for those in their final moments.

He had been thriving, and mom said about what a nice fall they had. With the warmer temperatures, they were able to get outside and go for walks, etc. He had been out of the house at a ball game, at Joshua's party, at church a few times, out to dinner with both of my sisters, at Mike & Bonnie's for dinner and at Jen's house the night of his seizures. Mom & Jamie had gone for rides and even went out to lunch with Aunt Loretta. He had gained back some of his weight, was able to communicate, and said he felt good, etc. Now he can barely swallow...these are sad days. While I think this is hard for my mom, she's handling everything with grace and told me about this Psalm the Lord gave her this morning:

Psalm 116
1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave [a] came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I believed; therefore [b] I said,
"I am greatly afflicted."

11 And in my dismay I said,
"All men are liars."

12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant [c] ;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD. [d]

Thankful for...My Mom

Last night as I was reading Joshua "Kiss Good Night, Sam" (a book my friend Kristen bought for Joshua), I remembered my Mom reading to me every night. She was really good at making the book exciting, and many of those stories I think I still know by heart. When I am exhausted and Joshua has thrown his food on the floor or come crawling into my lap with a little runny nose, I think of what an amazing job my mom did. She cooked, cleaned, worked and spent time with us kids. Quality time. She played dolls with me, sang to and with us and read to us. I know many songs from the 50s, 60s and 80s by heart since she loved music and would sing away. She invested a lot of time and energy into our lives, and I can appreciate that more now that I'm a Mommy myself. When I'm sick, I still want my mom to this day, who would always graciously put a cool hand on my forehead and hold back my hair, etc. In fact, I'm glad she came over the day that I was desperately sick and needed to go to the hospital to have Joshua. She's also a wonderful Grandma, and we love her dearly. Today I'm thankful for the Mom that God blessed me with.

Sad For Grandpa Jamie

Mom called this morning to say that Jamie had seizures last night. It doesn't sound like he's doing too well and was unable to communicate this morning. Please continue to pray for them both as they fear that this might be signs of the tumor taking over...

Thankful for...Freedom

1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever.

Today is Veteran's Day and the Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church, which made me reflect on our freedom. I'm thankful that we live in America, where we don't have to worry about things like bombs on buses and war happening on our streets. I'm thankful that we no longer have a draft so men and women can choose whether or not they feel called to go into the armed forces. I'm thankful that we live in a place where we can vote and have a free economy. I'm thankful that we live in America where we have the freedom to worship whenever and wherever we'd like. In church, a video was played about a man who led a Christian movement in Siberia and was imprisoned, frozen, beaten and starved to near death...just for worshipping Jesus. I'm thankful that we don't have to run and hide, that we're not in times of tribulation, that we have amazing freedom. We don't have to live in fear everyday...we can choose to live how the Spirit leads us. Today I'm thankful for freedom.

Thankful for...God's Provision

Psalm 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

I'm so thankful that God provides for us. I have never in my life had to worry about my next meal, having clothes to wear or a roof over my head. Do I choose to worry sometimes anyway? Unfortunately, yes. There have been many times that I've wondered how we're going to 'make it.' For example, when Shawn tore his ACL after he had been laid off, I worried...but God provided. When I gave up working full time when Joshua arrived, I didn't how we would do...but God has provided. Lately I haven't had any copywriting jobs and I was laying awake at night wondering what our month would look like let alone our Christmas... then God reminded me of this verse: Malachi 3:10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. "Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

We always tithe. In fact, I can't remember ever in my life not tithing since it was a principle my parents taught me at a young age. I just have to trust God to be faithful in His word of opening the floodgates of heaven to pour out blessing. And is God anything but faithful? When I think about this, my worrying looks pretty goofy. Then I thought of the this passage: Matthew 6:25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So, I'm thankful today that God provides for us. He's provided so much in our lives, I'm not even sure where to begin. He provided a way for me to get my bachelor's degree when I didn't think I'd be able to afford to go to college, and a way for both of us to get our master's degrees without having to pay a lot toward furthering our education. God has provided this amazing house for us that had everything on our "must have" list when we were looking - 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, a fireplace, a great kitchen, a nice layout, a great backyard and most importantly a very central location. And, even though it needs work, God is even providing a way for us to get the work done through a program offered in Lancaster County. We have truly been blessed! We both have a car to get us to wherever I need to go and back home again. God has provided Shawn with a good full time job where he gets to come home and spend time with his family at night. God has provided me with a teaching opportunity and the ability to write. He has blessed us with clothes to wear, food to eat and more "stuff" than we could ever need. Today I am thankful that God takes care of us and provides for all our needs.

Teething Tooter

Joshua is definitely getting his one-year molars. He keeps sticking his fingers in the back of his mouth, and twice now he's vomitted from gagging himself. I can't wait until they push through so he's back to his normal self.

On Tuesday, Joshua had physical therapy. It might be the last time we see Laura from Schreiber because she's due to have her second son on December 10, and our next appointment would be the Tuesday before that. I hope she'll be back, but I would understand why she wouldn't be wanting to crawl around on the floor at 9 months pregnant...and she could even give birth before then. Joshua's just a little too hesitant to start walking without holding onto something. We've been trying to work with him, but I know he'll let go on his own time. He threw his first all-out temper tantrum while she was making him work. I've never seen one last so long (other than with his breathing treatments, which outlast him). It came complete with throwing himself backwards and thrashing his legs. For awhile we tried to console him, and then she and I both walked into the kitchen to take his audience away. Pretty soon he came out with a nicer demeanor. The pediatrician said that fits are normal between 12 and 15 months, and it's how we handle them now that will make the difference for how he behaves in the future. Lord, please give me the wisdom, patience and grace to handle these well. When Joshua's upset, all I want to do is hold him, but please help me teach him obedience so he's a good boy!

Joshua's also had a runny nose and a bit of a fever off and on for the last couple days. At first I thought it was from his teeth coming in, but now I think he might have had another cold. It's so hard to tell. Tuesday night we went out to vote, and Joshua was up most of the night that night. I cuddled him back to sleep, only to have him wake up again when I put him back in his crib. Teeth? Cold? Reflux? Hmmm... Wednesday we got our new furnace and hot water heater so I couldn't take a nap (not that I can normally sleep too well during the day anymore - I'm always wondering when he'll wake up). By Wednesday night I was exhausted. Shawn finished Joshua's bath and put him to bed while I crashed. Daddy must have been playing video games in our bedroom because Thursday morning the controller was out and Joshua found it first thing, sat down in Daddy's place, and struck the pose - looking very much like Daddy does when he plays. I cracked up; then I ran to get the camera. Sooo cute!

Mr. Joshua took two larger naps yesterday, which made me worry slightly but I figured he needed his rest. Mom & Jamie swung by and the four of us took a walk, even with the 40-degree temperature. I put Jordon's hat on Joshua, and I thought he looked adorable, so again I took some pictures. Then last night, Joshua didn't want to sleep again. So, today I'm going to try and make sure that his nap doesn't last more than an hour, which is his typical. I need to get some sleep - I'm soooo tired. I was going to try to lay down when he laid down just now, but the contractor called and said he needed to quickly peek into our attic. So, there went that idea. Instead, I made the bed and figured I'll just try to grab eight hours tonight so long as the Bean cooperates.

Thankful

Psalm 69:30 I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving.

As we near Thanksgiving Day, a holiday started by Pilgrims who feasted and thanked God after their first harvest, I'd like to take a moment and reflect on things I'm particularly thankful for this year. Afterall, Thanksgiving is more than just turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing; more than Macy's parades, a day off work, and the start to Christmas shopping; and even more than just a day to celebrate with family and friends. It's a time to thank God for all He is and all He has done for us and given us, both in a spiritual sense and a physical sense.

This morning I woke up and thanked God for my health. It truly is a miracle that all these organs work together, that oxygen circulates to where it needs to go and the blood is pumped to each individual inch that needs it. After taking a bio-med class and learning about all the muscles, organs, bones, etc. in the body I had a renewed appreciation for God's craftmanship. Hearing Joshua wheez makes me not take for granted that each time I breath in, my lungs fill with a full breath of air. When I think of folks like Jamie and a man at Shawn's work who was just diagnosed with life-threatening cancer, I thank God that I am looking forward to a future of health and hope. I am grateful that I am able to walk and have both my arms and hands to use.

I also don't take for granted that I have all five senses: 1) I can see without glasses or contacts, 2) I can hear out of both ears, and music is a big part of my life, 3) I can taste the deliciousness of each meal, 4) I can smell which helps me know when to change Joshua or if there would be a fire or appreciate the crockpot, etc. and 5) I can touch, which is part of my love language. I've also read about kids who can't feel anything and so they don't know when they get hurt. One little girl blinded herself because she didn't feel the pain when she stuck something sharp into her eye. I'm grateful for all five of my senses and that they work.

I'm glad that I don't have a headache, don't feel like I need to throw up, don't have a congested head, and don't have any broken bones or weird illnesses. I praise and thank God for giving me health today.

November Already

I feel like November came too quickly...maybe because September & October were still so warm that I feel like we went right from summer to holiday planning. On Friday night we took Chinese takeout (what Mom & Jamie were in the mood for) over to their house and enjoyed time together with them.

Then Saturday morning we got up bright & early to go get our Christmas family portraits taken at JC Penny's. I couldn't believe what a zoo that place was - we definitely weren't the only ones with this idea. We decided to go somewhat casual, with Joshua & Shawn wearing red and me wearing winter white...all of us were in jeans, although I don't think you can tell that in most of the pictures. Joshua was absolutely terrified. The gal put him on a present on the platform and he shook with shear terror in his eyes. I think the pictures turned out well, though, for the most part. After we were done, we rewarded Joshua with time in the "inside playground" in the mall. He was sooo cute watching the other kids and crawling on the winding blue 'road.'

Saturday afternoon while the boys napped, I made a casserole for a friend who had surgery, complete with rolls, peas & carrots and homemade brownies. A woman who used to go to our church organized the meal schedule and asked me to make something on Saturday. After calling several times with no answer, I decided to head over there anyway with my fresh meal. My friend Suzanne was in town and graciously came with me. (I forgot to take a picture while she was here, so I had to use an old one of her and Joshua.) We headed to a not-so-nice area of town with several shady characters walking around and knocked on the door and rang the bell. No answer! I called Shawn for the number of the organizer's name. When she answered, she told me that my friend was still in the hospital and would be for the next few days. Why she wouldn't have asked me to make it for a time after she came home, I'll never know. I ended up dropping it off at the organizer's house. Ugh!!!After that, Suz and I headed to the corn maze in Paradise. I had never been to such an event before, and it sounded like something fun to do outdoors. It was SOOOO cold when we started (after wandering around aimlessly for awhile, though, you start to warm up). I had a great time. We ended up finding a guy who was older than us carrying his four-year-old on his shoulders. He was "in our group" Suz told me (I am definitely not observant) and we followed him out of the maze. His little girl was so cute and kept saying, "Uh, Daddy? I think we've been here before..." We got out in less than an hour, but with the whole runaround with the meal, it was dark for most of our time in there, making it a little more scary. According to the person who sold us our tickets, they should have started the flashlight maze but we didn't have any flashlights and weren't given any. So, we were glad to find someone who seemed normal to walk with. All in all, it was a great time of catching up with a great friend. :)

When we got home, I realized we hadn't eaten supper. I had made us a casserole at the same time as the other one and ended up putting it in the fridge. So, since Suz had left to go meet her sister, I heated up our dinner, made crescent rolls to go with it and even dug out a bottle of sparkling cider I had bought and lit candles. Shawn giggled at my attempt for romance since it was Shawn, me and the Bean who was eating a snack with us. I gave Joshua a bath while Shawn cleaned off the table and then we watched a movie after Joshua went to bed, knowing that we had an extra hour to sleep that night since we were turning our clocks back.Yesterday we went to church. I had to get there early since I was on the worship team, and Shawn & Joshua got there late. I tried to put Joshua down in the nursery, but most of the kiddos were on the fussier side (why do we even change back to regular time - kids don't understand time changes!!!) so I didn't feel right leaving him when there were only two gals and a bunch of little ones. We played for awhile until it was about a quarter of noon, which would normally be quarter of one. I think Joshua was hungry and needed a nap, so Shawn took him home while I went up for the last minute or two of the service.

Last Sunday was the first time Shawn & I put Joshua in the nursery and came upstairs together to listen to the service. I was so nervous leaving him there and we kept watching for our number. Around a quarter of, we saw a number flash up. We both smiled proudly when it wasn't our number, and we saw a Dad we know jump up and run downstairs. Not even two minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder...they had meant to put up our number and hit the wrong one. Doh! We went down to find our Bean crying, and we left church then...he fell asleep in his carseat before I even buckled my seatbelt. I'm assuming when he starts taking only an afternoon nap, church might go a little better. I think Joshua also needs more time around other kiddos so he's used to those type of situations.

I love this kid!

This weekend we also had our second gigantic tree removed from our yard. They should be cleaning the rest of it up today, and our new furnace and hot water heater arrive Wednesday. Hooray! Time to go check up on Joshua...he's taken a rather long nap this morning although he was up at 12 am for two hours and again at 5 am to stay...I think he's got more teeth coming but who knows for sure?

Fear Factor

This was part of my devotions over the weekend (Devotions for Sacred Parenting by Gary L. Thomas), and I thought it was so good I wanted to share:

"A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion." Mark 4:37-38

The author starts by discussing friends who had two kids in Columbine High School during the shootings. Then they had a disturbed church member start harrassing the family, going to the point of throwing things through their windows and slashing their tires. Their daughter decided she wanted to move to an out-of-state boarding school, and they dropped her off in New York City on September 9, 2001 - you guessed it, just two days before the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Gary Thomas writes:

Most of our children will never face such a traumatic series of events, but even for those of us who live in anonymous towns and face normal, coming-of-age challenges, fear for our children is an occupational hazard, because the dangers are very real.

The great Baptist preacher Charles Spurgeon addressed this in one of his sermons. You'll recall that Jesus once fell asleep during a storm so fierce that his disciples feared for their lives. We know Jesus cared enough for his disciples to die for them, yet in this moment of crisis his calm attitude was so steady, so unwavering, it almost tempts us to believe he didn't care - or to conclude he lived with an absolute trust many of us lack. Spurgeon deftly compares Jesus' calm demeanor to our fretful worrying: "We do not have half the confidence in God that we ought to have - not even the best of us. The Lord deserves our limitless belief, our unquestioning confidence, our undisturbed reliance."

Can any of us suggest that God ISN'T worthy of "our limitless belief..." And yet, how often do we fret, as though his providential care simply can't be counted on with regard to something so precious as our children? Just as Jesus put all his confidence in His Father, so, Spurgeon says, we should put our confidence in the same heavenly Father:

"If a watchman were hired to guard my house, I would be foolish if I also sat up for frear of thievese. Why have a watchman if I cannot trust him to watch? 'Cast they burden upon the Lord' (Psalm 55:22), but when you have done so, leave it with the Lord and do not try to carry it yourslef. Otherwise, you mock God; you use the name of God, but not the reality of God. Lay down every care, even as Jesus did when He went calmly to the rear part of the ship, quietly took a pillow, and went to sleep."

Jesus' confidence in the heavenly Father gave him a fierce freedom that could stare down any storm, because Jesus never compared the storm to those under his care; on the contrary, he compared the storm to the God who rules the weather. He wasn't careless about his disciples' welfare; he simply felt certain of his Father's providential involvement, concern and soveriegn protection.

...Spurgeon [notes] "You feel that you cannot cast upon God your burden of concern about your children. But your Lord trusted the Father with those dear to Him. Do you not think that Christ's disciples were as precious to Him as our children are to us? ...Even so, He was quite content to leave them all in the care of His Father and go to sleep."

How can we argue with this? Do we really want to suggest that Jesus acted negligently with his disciples or that he didn't truly care for them? He knew he was sending them into a dangerous and theoretically fatal encounter - but he also knew the encounter would be governed by the providence of God and filtered through his loving care, not determined by fate or chance. Some of us parents insult God by verbally placing our children under his protection but then worrying as though he were either deaf or powerless.

Much of our fretting is simply a lack of faith. We have a God; why worry as though we don't? Let's begin the journey of confident reliance on God by asking ourselves some rhetorical questions that will cement this truth into our souls:

• Who cares more about our children - us or God?
• Who is better able and more equipped to protect our children - us or God?
• Who looks on our children with greater understanding of the future - not just in ten years' time but for all eternity?
• Who has the power to make all things turn out for the good for those who love him and have been called according to his purpose (Rom 8:28)?

Remind yourself: I AM NOT ALONE! Let your children make God's care and providence ever more real to you. May we one day be like Jesus, whose great confidence in the heavenly Father enalbed him, even in the midst of a storm, to quietly fall asleep in all peace, entrusting those he loved to the care of his Father who never sleeps.

Time with Grandma Ginder & Aunt Erica

Aunt Erica & Grandma Ginder stayed with us the past few days. They came bearing gifts of deviled eggs (yum!) and Erica was so helpful in allowing me time to get caught up on my work while she played with Joshua. Isn't this picture below adorable? Look at Joshua's face compared to Grandma Ginder's. Can't tell they're related, can you!?!? I cracked up at this photo! Joshua is starting to talk more and more. What is he saying? The world may never know. He LOVES to gab, and he often talks in a "deep" commanding voice. It sounds like gibberish, but his facial expression is priceless. He does say a few words clearly, but for the most part it's all indistinguishable. I love it. His little talkative voice is music to my ears. He seems to be getting bigger and bigger by the day... He also has a toy that makes music that Grandma Ginder & Aunt Erica would dance to everytime it played. Now, he pushes the purple button to make the music go and his arms flap in a dancing motion. It's so precious! What a handsome little Bean we have! I love him dearly.