Outside...and Other New Words

Yesterday, Joshua received a package from Grandma & Grandpa Ginder...what great timing for his 19-month birthday! In it was a little note and a t-shirt that said "I'm a keeper." (Thanks!!!) So, he wore his new t-shirt today along with a pair of shorts and sneakers for our outside festivities. The day was absolutely gorgeous again...it was in the low 80s with the sun shining and a cool breeze blowing. Shawn & I agreed you couldn't ask for nicer weather.

So, today we spent the entire day outside doing yard work. I've been bragging that this entire pregnancy I've felt so great...well, bending over to pick up sticks and raking grass and pulling weeds...let's just say I FEEL extraordinarily pregnant today. And with the summer-like weather, I felt a little anxious that the baby's arrival is nearing...

Joshua loved being outside in the morning as we prepared the yard, and I took him for a walk in the stroller while Daddy mowed the back yard, which kept us both safe. Later while Joshua napped, I helped Daddy start clearing out some brush. We barely made a dent in our overgrown jungle, but I realize Rome wasn't built in a day. I started feeling overwhelmed...how do people keep up with everything? Raising kids, doing yardwork, cleaning their house, doing laundry, cooking, budgeting, working, volunteering, visiting with friends... later when I took a break to drink some water and sit for a few moments in the shade, I felt a little better. I guess people do as much as they can and then work more the next day. Funny that today is when I posted the passage from Joshua's book on "discipline." I guess I needed some today, too.

After Joshua woke up from his nap, we took a break. I got a nice shower, we went to Home Depot to get some yard things we needed and then headed to dinner at the new Cici's pizza buffet near Target since neither of us felt like cooking. Joshua was very well-behaved. Shawn told me the cute story of when he was driving with Joshua earlier and had to slam on his brakes for an idiot driver - Joshua said "uh-oh!" at the appropriate time that cracked Shawn up. What a ham! When we got home from supper, one of our neighbors gave us a plastic toy car for Joshua to ride in. He wasn't comfortable getting in yet, but he loved holding the steering wheel, honking the horn and pushing it around. Meanwhile, Daddy & I started weeding the flowerbed out front. What a job! And, there were so many ants and yucky stuff where I was trying to sit/kneel. Shawn took over while I played with Joshua, and then I cleaned up his piles (and I do mean PILES of weeds). Joshua got down to try and help Daddy, which was adorable. Of course I grabbed the camera! Then, he actually was helpful in putting some of the weeds from the piles into the trash bag. The more I praised him, the more weeds went into the garbage bag.

Eventually, though, he wanted to be where Daddy was and was getting in the way. So, I took him to my sister's house where Grandma was watching all four kiddos. Joshua took turns going down their slide and playing with the rubber ball and following my nieces around. He loved it, and I enjoyed seeing them. When we got home, Daddy was all finished, so we decided to go out for icecream. Hooray!!!

Joshua now says 'outside' (new today, I think), 'all done,' 'upf' (for up), help please (the help is a little hard to hear, but it sounds very close), 'more drink', 'more please,' 'dadda,' 'momma,' 'shoe,' 'bye,' 'hello,' 'tickle tickle,' 'no,' 'yes,' 'sure,' 'quack,' 'moo,' 'ribbit,' 'uh-oh,' 'coat,' 'wha dis' (meaning what's this?), 'more dis' (more of this) and a few other things that I'm drawing a blank on. His vocabulary grows by the day. Gerome thought we might be expecting a lot for him to be able to use two words together, but the other day I was cutting grapes for him as he was eating his lunch and had given him a few while I tried to finish preparing the rest. All the sudden I realized he was trying to get my attention (my back was to him) and he said clear as day "mama, mama, more dis' please." I was thoroughly impressed and praised him, saying "you can have all the grapes you want when you ask so nicely!!!" Shawn & I have noticed him growing in leaps and bounds. He's still banging his head some, but I've noticed that it's gotten a little less frequent as I'm trying to give him things to do instead of saying 'no.' I think that's been huge in helping him. Plus, us encouraging him to ask for what he wants helps him, too, as he builds his vocabulary.

After we got back from Rita's, I bathed Joshua and put him in PJ's while Daddy relaxed. Then Daddy read Joshua his bedtime story tonight and now he's sound asleep. Speaking of which...sleep doesn't sound so bad. Goodnight!

God's Little Boy is...Disciplined

Folks who love to stay in bed

Miss the thrills of the day ahead.

God's little boy gets up at dawn,

Happy to help 'til the day is gone.

The lazy person is like a door that turns back and forth on its hinges.

He stays in bed and turns over and over.

Proverbs 26:14

Dear God, we thank you for little Joshua and what joy he brings to our lives. I thank you for healing him physically and working on him spiritually and mentally. We pray for continued learning for him, especially with building his vocabulary. But, most importantly, we pray that he would grow to be a man after your own heart. Please help him to be self-disciplined to accomplish whatever tasks you've called him to do. We pray that he would be motivated to wake up early and put forth effort until the day is done. We also pray against laziness in the name of Jesus. This is a sin that can overtake us all and make our good intentions meaningless. Please help Joshua to be disciplined instead. We thank you for speaking into his life with your word and wisdom and Holy Spirit. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

God

Happy 19-Month Birthday, Joshua!

Happy 19-month birthday, Joshua!

Here is how we celebrated the day...in pictures: Joshua woke up at 7:45 am and after giving him his Prevacid in applesauce, I changed him out of his PJ's into shorts & a long-sleeve t-shirt and his crocks. We couldn't wait to get outside since it was supposed to be a beautiful day. First, we ate breakfast, which for Joshua consisted of bananas, strawberries, organic cheerios and milk. I ate my tasty low-carb Special K cereal and drank some hot tea.

Then, we got ready to go. It was already warm out when we left at 9:30 for our Mommies & Me class! We were both LOVING it! Here is a picture I quickly snapped while we were at our Mommies & Me meeting. Thankfully, the teacher reviewed from last week since only one mommy made it then due to sickness (which included the Bean). So, we discussed temperment and then moved onto schedules, which is something I've been interested in learning more about. Joshua LOVED playing with the other kids today, and he walked up and hugged the doll baby that the teacher was using to illustrate her points. She suggested we get him a doll to prepare him for the new baby... We were supposed to leave straight from there and go see Nonie since I was going to go out to lunch with a gal I used to work with in Reading, but she had to cancel at the last minute. (Hopefully we'll get to see Nonie another time soon!) So, when we had a voicemail from Grandma saying she had the afternoon off, we were delighted to hang out with her. We ate pizza, fruit & yogurt at her house and then left to go shopping at Weaver's store, where I bought a few 'constructive' toys for building play, a few plastic containers for organization and a few full-body bibs. Grandma bought Joshua a new outfit, a plastic shovel to "help" when we do yardwork tomorrow, and some legos for him to play with when he's at her house. Joshua fell asleep in the car, so when we got back to Grandma's house, I decided to bring him home for his afternoon nap. However, he bounced right out of my car waiting to continue some outside time. He's now walking up the steps with us holding hands and isn't as into crawling anywhere anymore. He's doing a super job, and I'm sure his physical therapist will be impressed with his progress within the last month. Welcome home! Here's Joshua at our front door. I changed him out of his long-sleeved shirt into a t-shirt to be cooler, and we were soon greeted by the contractor who came to fix our ceiling fan in our master bedroom. We had a few phone calls to return when we got home, so Joshua quickly grabbed the phone and put it right to his ear. But, playing was way more interesting to him, of course. We spent some time stacking his clip-on toys and playing with other things. He still hadn't napped for very long and was starting to fall apart. Gerome mentioned that TV is okay to signal nap time or to give us time to work, etc. He suggested that you use it constructively, especially when you've made sure to schedule other fun things throughout the day for your child. I guess that speaks to "all things in moderation." Here Joshua is unwinding to a cartoon about shapes & colors. After 20 minutes, he was ready for a nap. He slept for about an hour until Daddy came home.As soon as Shawn came home, he got changed into shorts and we headed to the park to eat our dinner and enjoy the outdoors some more. When we were finished eating, I cleaned up while Daddy took Joshua to the playground. Of course, I grabbed the camera to snap more pictures!Joshua saw a little girl playing on the playground equipment and instantly was enthralled. She was adorable and kept encouraging him to try new things. He LOVED it! Here, he's climbing through the tube, something he's never attempted before, even with his cousins. He didn't make it the whole way through, though, because he couldn't get enough traction and I'm too pregnant to fit inside to help him out. (Well, I could probably fit, but I wasn't about to try it with my current coordination and skills.) So, he came out backwards. That didn't stop him from enjoying more time outside. Here, he's climbing up the stairs toward the slide. He usually climbs these stairs when we're at this park because they're just the right height for him.Then, he decided it was time to conquer the slide... Daddy was right there to help... Wee-ee-e-eeee!!!! Here he's clapping for himself for doing such a great job and acting like such a big boy! Soon, Daddy led him off the playground since it was time to go... Joshua walked next to Momma for a few moments... and then kept in step with Daddy... I LOVE this picture! My two favorite boys walking side by side. The day felt like it was in the 80s with a cool breeze and the sun shining. I loved being outside, and we had a wonderful time together celebrating 19 months of life! Now it's soon time for bed...

More Behavior Intervention

For the first few days after we saw Gerome last week, I thought to myself "maybe he came for nothing." I didn't see Joshua banging his head all that much. However, I realized later that it was because he was sick. All I did Thursday and Friday was hold, rock and cuddle with him. Then on Saturday as we continued to wrangle with our taxes (which are finally done and filed, praise God!), he started back to his headbanging behavior. I'm still not sure he's 100% himself, though. I wrote down 85% of the episodes to record the A-B-C to discuss with Gerome at our appointment today. And again, I learned a ton in the hour he was here.

Our goal is to direct Joshua to a different behavior as a result of the antecedent to get the same consequence he's looking for. So, A with "New B" will now equal C, rather than the "old B" of banging his head. Most of the times, Joshua's headbanging came out when he was frustrated over us limiting his behavior. For example, when we told him that he can't touch the keyboard when Daddy is doing taxes, he banged his head on the desk. Then we would pick him up. We saw this type of scenario repeated over and over again. Gerome said that focusing on things Joshua can do in conjunction with the limitations will help him. And, he saw me trying to re-direct Joshua's behavior and said I should take it one step further. Instead of saying, "instead let's play with the truck" and hand it to him, I should actively engage in also playing with the truck, which will interest Joshua more.

Suggestion #1: Actively engage in playing to re-direct frustration.

Gerome said to plan to take five minutes of uninterrupted play time every time Joshua bangs his head. At first, it's going to seem like all the time (especially since Joshua is banging his head several times an hour) but eventually the Bean will get used to finding something else to do instead of banging his head. He said this should occur even when we're making dinner, etc. for starters and then as the behavior diminishes, it won't feel like it's a burden.

Suggestion #2: Focus on the Do's Rather than the Don't's

Realizing that many times, Joshua is banging his head when he's frustrated as the beginnings of a temper tantrum, Gerome said to try not to say "no" for an entire week and instead think of what Joshua can do instead. So, if Joshua is playing with his sippy cup and spilling milk everywhere, instead of saying "we don't play with and dump our sippy cup" focus on the positive, "Joshua, let's drink with our cup instead." Gerome likened it to a book he read recently on investing. The first half was everything NOT to do. He was tired of the book in the beginning going, okay, well what can I do? The last half of the book focused on the positive aspects. He said we're more direct when we focus on what we want the child to do rather than what we want them NOT to do. He gave the example of saying "don't clasp your hands together." Instead, we should say "let's open up our hands" because this directs the child to respond and behave in the way you want them to. I tried practicing it already, and it's going to take some work for me. It definitely doesn't come naturally. After Gerome left, Joshua and I were eating lunch and he picked up his bowl to dump out the food on his head. I said, "nnn...honey, let's put the bowl down and eat out of it." Now, I wish I could say Joshua said "okay, mom, that sounds like a super idea!" but he didn't. That said, I'm not sure me saying "no!" would have made a big difference either. I made the request and then asked if Joshua was all done (which he now shows us with opening his hands...so adorable.) So, I'm going to accept the challenge and try to eliminate "no" from my vocabulary and be creative with what we should do instead.

Suggestion #3: Soothe Joshua while working ourselves out of the equation.

Right now, we're picking Joshua up most of the time to soothe him when he's in an outrage. Gerome said to first try and walk with him, holding his hands, over to a new activity. If Joshua still can't calm down (which Gerome saw today), then go ahead and pick him up and soothe him. But, at the same time take this as a teaching moment to help Joshua become able to soothe himself. Maybe we give him a soothing teddy bear that we hold with Joshua. Then, Joshua gets the bear and he sits on our lap. Then he sits next to us with the bear, and eventually he'll be able to go get his bear and take a few moments to calm down.

Suggestion #4: No Timeouts or Negative Reinforcement

I told Gerome that the pediatrician had said to put Joshua somewhere safe and ignore him. Should we try not holding him and putting him in the pack 'n play? Gerome said that most times, children really don't need a timeout or a spanking. He said timeouts are so popular these days and are typically not used the right way. Most times, if the child is old enough to understand a timeout, they are old enough to understand re-directed behavior. Instead of putting the child away, we should encourage the child to do something else that is constructive, which will lead them to thinking of that on their own. And, he said that we should hold Joshua and listen to his needs. Right now, he's asking for attention, showing his frustration, and unable to communicate in other ways. So, it's okay to show him love and attention and meet his needs. In the meantime, especially since headbanging can be harmful to him, we want to show him a better way to communicate and get his needs met. Through working together, we should be able to eliminate this negative behavior when we focus on the positive. So, maybe we avoid eye contact or lots of talking when we pick him up when he headbangs. But, when he comes to us in a different way, we go all out to tell him how excited we are that he's communicating in a better way, lavishing him with praise and attention.

Suggestion #5: Build Play & Communication

So, how are we going to help Joshua? By building play time. Gerome suggested putting all our toys away into containers where we have to get them out for the Bean to play with them. If we had chocolate cake sitting on our counter everyday, it wouldn't be as exciting as it would be if it were only available on special occasions. In the same way, the same old toys out and available for use everyday isn't exciting or interesting to Joshua. We should put some back for special occasions. Likewise, Gerome suggested that three times a day for 15 minutes at a time, we should try to develop a new skill with Joshua or a new 'play.' It doesn't really matter if he understands or not, the important thing is that we're interacting and he has our full attention. Gerome suggested setting up stations where one station is building blocks, another is puzzles, maybe another is play-doh. (He strongly recommended toys that don't make noise for building play.) This is exploration time and we try to teach him a new skill, rotating activities every five minutes. We let Joshua set the pace and direct the activity. In the meantime, we try to build his vocabulary. When we're interacting this way, it will give us time for Joshua to practice saying "help" and other things and he'll be learning more. Likewise, if we find something he really, really enjoys, we can use that as an activity we go to when he's banging his head. Instead of saying "no" we can go do a fun activity together.

There was even more we talked about, which I excitedly told Shawn about when he came home. We're going to try these techniques for a couple weeks and see how it goes. We're to call Gerome if we need help or pointers, and if he doesn't hear from us, he'll call us in a couple weeks to set up another appointment. He said we can always schedule more time together if necessary, but it will make more sense to give some time in between to see what works and what doesn't. I'm thrilled to learn all these new things and a little intimidated. But, I know I have to change my behavior before I can expect Joshua to change his. Please pray for us both that we can learn and grow!

Week 28 Gestation

This afternoon, I had another doctor's appointment. My weight has remained constant (it was actually down about .6 pounds, but then again we fluctuate all the time) and my blood pressure is actually low at 112/65 or 68 (can't remember which now). They also had the lab results from last week, and I don't have gestational diabetes or anything else they were looking at - everything is good, healthy and normal thus far. Hooray! On a sour note, though, they won't change the c-section date from July 8. Dr. Conslato - my favorite doctor of the three - said it's because lungs are the last thing to develop in a baby. If a mom goes into labor at week 37, she's considered full term since mother nature is pushing her into labor. If the baby needs help breathing or has to go the NICU, it's considered an act of nature. If, on the other hand, they bump up someone's c-section date and there are problems with breathing (or worse), they leave themselves open for lawsuits. So, for regulation purposes, they can't schedule it any sooner. And, while the day before would have been fine, my practice doesn't have any pre-scheduled OR time at the hospital on Mondays, so Tuesday was the first day they could schedule it. She did say, however, that babies come when they're meant to, so chances are everything will work out and it's best to have someone on call to take the Bean in case I would go into labor sooner than that day. I had a dream the other night that I went into labor and had the baby at Costco; although, the same night I dreamed there were bats in Joshua's room, so I think it was just nightmares from all these raging hormones... Anyway, we did schedule the rest of my doctor's appointments from here on out since they are closer together...I remember doing that with Joshua, too, and it was close to his arrival date. It makes me realize that July will be here before we blink!

Fetal Development:
Our little miracle is growing and developing at an astonishing rate! Eyebrows and eyelashes are now present, and the hair on the head is growing. The eyelids open, and the eyes are completely formed. The body is getting plumper and rounder (weighs about 2 pounds) and is composed of around 2 to 3% body fat. Muscle tone is gradually improving. The lungs are capable of breathing air but if the baby is born now, it would struggle to properly breathe. Be sure to talk to your baby a lot because s/he can recognize your voice now!

Maternal Changes:
Welcome to the third trimester ~ the period of leg cramps, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, itchy skin, aches and pains, swelling, heartburn, indigestion and . . . your baby's arrival! Your uterus is around 3 inches above your navel; average weight gain is between 17 and 24 pounds at this point.

Third Trimester Careprovider Appointments:
In routine pregnancies, your health-care provider appointments may be every two weeks from week 28 to 36, with weekly appointments from week 36 until delivery.
During these appointments, your doctor/midwife will check the size and height of your uterus to be certain your baby is growing appropriately. Your weight and blood pressure will be checked as well as your urine for signs of infection, sugar, and protein. As the due date approaches, the baby's position is checked. Be sure to take a list of questions and concerns to your appointments. It's normal to have questions and worries about labor this trimester so don't be shy! Ask! Ask! Ask!

Ideas for Dad:
It's the last trimester! Go out and celebrate with a special date to shop for something for the baby or a few maternity outfits for Mom. Treat Mom to an olive oil tummy massage or foot massage. This isn't an easy trimester for Mom. Dad's support can go a long way to make it easier. Stay involved Dad! You're needed more than ever now.

Inspirational Thoughts:
"Children . . . they string our joys, like jewels bright, upon the thread of years." ~Edward A. Guest

80 Degrees Turns Into 103

Yesterday was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and a gentle breeze was blowing. Mom said it got up to the low 80s, but I thought it was only supposed to be in the high 70s. Anyway, it was the kind of day that you want to last forever...or at least that's how it started. The finishing touches were being put on our kitchen (it feels like our house has been torn apart forever!), so I decided to take Joshua outside. He felt slightly warm to me in the morning, but after taking his temperature, it was 98.7 in one ear and 99.1 in the other. So, I figured we were safe. But, he didn't seem to want to play outside. We had bought a giant rubber ball at Target the night before and no matter what I did, it didn't seem to lure him into exploring or having fun. Hmmm... I took him in for lunch and then called my sister to see if she'd like to go for a walk with her kiddos to the park. Maybe I'm just not as fun to play with as other kiddos would be, I thought. So, once we were done eating (the only thing he would eat was yogurt, but I was just glad he ate something), we drove to my sisters and I put him in his stroller while she pushed Daniel and...Grace. Emma decided she would rather walk, so 50+ pound Grace decided to take advantage of the opportunity to be pushed along with the getting-close-to-30 pound Daniel. Poor Jen!

Last time we were at the park, Joshua LOVED it. He went down the slide a few times and just seemed to enjoy himself overall. This time, however, he cried when I put him on the slide and on the swings and was just content to be held. He felt warm to me, but I was warm too. It was so beautiful outside! Eventually I said to Jen that we were going to head back since I thought maybe the problem was that it was past his nap time. She said that the same was true for Daniel, so we all packed it up and headed back. Joshua fell asleep in the stroller and when we got home, he was so sweaty that I stripped him down to his diaper to nap. When he woke up, he was still just as sweaty and hot. I held him and rocked him for a few minutes, but I noticed he kept holding his breath and grunting. Uh-oh, I thought. I grabbed the thermometer again. This time it read 103 degrees. Oh no! I called the pediatrician immediately. He had pulled at his ear, and I didn't want to take any chances. We saw Dr. Haught who said that his son just had a similar virus - Joshua's lungs sound fine, his ears look good, and everything's okay except for an outrageously high fever. Dr. Haught's son is a little older than the Bean and told his daddy that his head hurt. So, Dr. Haught suggested that Joshua's pulling at his face, along with the grunting, is a sign of a bad headache. We're to let it run its course...which he said is around five days.

Bummer. It's gorgeous out again today, and they're still working on our house. BUT, I didn't want to push the Bean by taking him out. Instead, I've literally held and rocked him and snuggled with him all day. We even missed our Mommies & Me class and lunch with Nonie. :( Last night Daddy held Joshua for a few minutes, but he cried out for Momma. I guess there's no one like your mom when you're sick. I held him until past midnight last night when he finally nodded off. I think at that point the tylenol kicked in, so he wasn't feeling quite as uncomfortable. Today, though, he's been very grumpy. The only reason I can post now is that I finally got him to rest a little. Please pray for a quick recovery! And pray that he won't get sick anymore! I'm sick of Joshua being sick!!!

Head-Banging Behavior Intervention

Yesterday Gerome from Behavior Interventions came to our house to talk with me about Joshua's head-banging, observe and give us some ideas. He was really nice and has two-year-old fraternal twin girls. He and his wife are in the same line of work and started this company when his daughters were born. They specialize in developmental delays and behavior disorders.

He started out by asking me a ton of questions. For one, many children bang their heads as a sign that they are in pain. So, ear infections, headaches and other symptoms can cause the problem. While I don't think this is the case, I don't know if the reflux would lead to it or not. Some day Joshua will be able to tell me, hopefully!

Secondly, he asked me if Joshua had any other behavior issues, developmental delays or causes for concern. Based on his observation, the notes from the Early Intervention assessment, and me expressing that we're primarily concerned with just the headbanging, I believe he ruled out any major issues like autism or other mental illnesses that can cause these behaviors in children. With that being the case, he said the few other times he's been called to a situation like Joshua's, the child has outgrown the behavior. So, there is hope!

Next he took the time to explain to me Applied Behavior Sciences. Some of this information I remembered reading in my psychology textbook in high school or college (can't remember which one since both seem like forever ago now), but I was grateful that he took the time to thoroughly explain the background behind his thinking and procedures. So, I'll re-explain it as best I can, in hopes that it may help other moms who read my blog or just in case I'll need to remember it someday:

We started with the A-B-C of behavior. 'A' stands for antecedent. This is what triggers the behavior we're looking into. What's the situation? Are we limiting Joshua (taking something he can't have), are we asking him to change up his routine, is he frustrated over being unable to communicate something, etc? The 'B' stands for the behavior in question. In our case, the behavior is the head-banging. The 'C' is the consequence. What does Joshua get out of banging his head? And, this can be what he gets or perceives he's going to get.

For example, if I see that we're running low on milk (the antecedent), I'll call Shawn (the behavior) to grab some on his way home from work, because I believe he'll come home with milk in hand (the consequence). Does he always come home from work with milk when I ask him? No. Every once in awhile he forgets or something distracts him from getting it even after I inform him it's necessary. But, him bringing home the milk happens often enough that I'll still call him when we run out. I perceive there's going to be a consequence even if it doesn't always happen.

Then this was the part of the study I remembered finding fascinating. If the consequence doesn't always happen, it causes the behavior to happen more frequently and more fiercely. The study took place with mice or rats (can't remember which, and to me they're all the same), and when they would hit a button in their cage, a pellet of food would come out. If they hit the button and no food ever came out, they would eventually stop hitting the button. If they hit the button and the food came out every time they hit it, they would only hit the button when they were hungry. The antecedent (hunger) caused the behavior (hitting the button) because the pellet of food came out (consequence). But, if the pellet came out sporadically, the rat or mouse would go ape on the button, hitting it all the time to see when the pellets would come down. They would have far too much to eat and yet they would keep going since the expected consequence didn't always happen. I remember talking to my sister Becky about this and we likened it to making phone calls. When you get a busy signal, you tend to call every couple of minutes (or seconds if it's driving you nuts) because you know eventually it will ring and someone will answer, which is what you're looking for.

Interestingly enough, if we are giving into whatever consequence Joshua is looking for SOMETIMES, it's going to make him want to bang his head all the more. But, what is that consequence? What is he getting out of banging his head? We talked about reasons for behaviors in kids then. Sometimes children behave a certain way to delay an activity. So, if they don't want to go to bed, they'll ask for a drink or a story or say they have to go to the bathroom to get to stay up longer. Sometimes they want to avoid an activity altogether, which I likened to punishment (although he didn't say that). So, they distract you with something else. The third thing is that they want you to give in, so if you take away a toy (or something he can't have like electronics) and he bangs his head, he's looking for us to give in to his wants and demands.

Then Gerome told me that we have to be his eyes and ears for the next week. Every time Joshua bangs his head, we have to mark down the time on a piece of paper, what was the situation at the time, and what was the result. He said not to alter our behavior at this point, but sometimes that's hard to do if we see a pattern. He then asked if we always have to be present for him to bang his head or will we find him banging his head. I don't leave him alone a lot, so I wasn't sure. I know he banged his head at mom's house when we weren't there, but of course then she was present. But, he said all these things are good to know. If we aren't there, does the behavior happen because we make the consequence?

Then he gave me pointers for helping Joshua, which I LOVED! This session was as good as gold to me, and worth every second of my time with Early Intervention. For starters, he said that we should give Joshua warnings when we transition from one activity to the next. I started doing that already after reading that it helps a child's temperament (after all, how would I feel if someone said "stop what you're doing and come do this NOW!" vs. giving me time to get ready and finish what task I'm on?), but I wasn't doing it in a manner that he could understand and relate to. Right now, he can understand some of what we're saying. But, me talking about moving to the next activity isn't enough. Gerome said to hold up two fingers where he can easily see them and say "Two minutes and we're doing XYZ..." and then a minute later hold up one finger where Joshua can see it and give him a one minute warning. Then, be consistent in moving to the next activity, no matter what tantrum or behavior results. Eventually, Joshua will get used to seeing the two fingers and it will trigger his brain to realize he must prepare for change. It's like the light in the rat box (when it came on, they knew it was time to eat, so they would go hit the button for food).

He saw a couple of mini-headbanging episodes with Joshua, which lead to the next suggestion. The one time, Joshua was trying to lift a toy that was too heavy for him. It was frustrating him and he banged his head into the toy. I immediately got up from our conversation to help the Bean. Gerome said that I should first make him say "help, please." We're not encouraging his vocabulary enough. He's frustrated because he can't communicate to me that he needs help, and the head-banging results because then I begin to meet his needs. So, while we're not to not help him just because he can't say 'help' well, we should ask him to mimick what we're saying before doing it for him. Eventually as his vocabulary gets better, he can ask us to help meet his needs and eliminate the head-banging.

Then, Gerome asked how Joshua gets his needs met now. I said I know what he wants when he says "more, please." For the rest, I pretty much guess. I feed him breakfast, lunch and dinner when I think it's appropriate and change diapers every couple hours unless I smell something in between. He holds up his arms because he wants to be held and other times he brings me a book or a toy or walks and points to what he wants. But, I truly am guessing most of the time. Gerome said to start and become aware of how he's getting his needs met and encourage more communication.

In addition, we should start to pay attention to how he's able to calm himself down. What's his sweet spot? Gerome likened it to when he gets riled up, he sometimes needs to go outside and get a breath of fresh air to clear his head. Sometimes he needs to put on calming music or he needs to call and talk about it with his wife. In any case, he does something to help alleviate the frustration. At times, kids bang their heads because they have all this frustration pent up and can't get rid of it. So, what helps calm Joshua down? Holding and rocking? Sucking on something? I wasn't sure (I know he doesn't take a pacifier, so the sucking wasn't it). I also know he loves to be held if he gets hurt or is tired, so I'm assuming that's it. And he enjoys music and loves to be outside. But, what will help him most channel his frustration positively? Hmmm...I have to pay more attention to what he enjoys. Yesterday when he got mad at the toy, he came over to me and held up his arms and I held him and rubbed his back and while he banged his head a few more times into me, he eventually calmed down and smiled at Gerome. Gerome said I should make Joshua say "up" and then lift him, but me holding Joshua helped calm him down and alleviate his tension.

Lastly, Gerome said anytime that we say "no," we should give him a positive thing to do instead. I've seen this done before (even by Joshua's grandparents!) and try to make use of it, but he said it should be EVERY time. I had asked Joshua not to bang his phone on the glass coffee table yesterday, and Gerome said that should be immediately followed up by "let's find something else to do, like put your phone to your ear and call XYZ..." He said he can now say "let's find something else to do" instead of saying "no" to his girls, and they know exactly what he expects. It was good advice.

So, next Tuesday he'll come back to see our diary of Joshua's head banging behavior and see if we can make any assumptions about what's going on. I felt almost as good as having the super nanny in my house. :) :) :) I have no idea what I'm doing as a parent, and I'll take any tips I can get! I also made a routine for us to try and stick to (although so far it's not going as planned) but Gerome said that as long as we do five or six things the same exact time every day, that's a good start. I was glad that we didn't have to take giant leaps but there are baby steps to be productive. I just want the best for Joshua & his little brother!

Baby Boy Good

***ARRIVAL DATE***

The scheduler from Lancaster Physicians for Women finally returned my phone call and told me that she had a really hard time scheduling my C-section. (Duh! I knew it was supposed to be on a holiday). Because of the timing, they decided on July 8, which is later than it should be but probably still okay. Ugh!!! I was really hoping they would schedule it earlier rather than later or that I would get some sort of say in the matter, which is not the case. I'm assuming that one of the three doctors might be on vacation on and around the 4th of July. Technically, I should have been scheduled for any day between Thursday, July 3 to Sunday, July 6. I'm a little disappointed in having to wait until Tuesday, July 8; however, I know that all our sons days on earth have been ordained (Psalm 139:16). If God wants our son to come sooner, He'll make me go into labor. After all, my due date for Joshua means nothing anymore...his birthday was much earlier. Hopefully our next little one stays put a little longer. So, mark your calendars for 7/8/08!

Week 27 Gestation

Fetal Development:
During this week, the brain continues its rapid growth, and the lungs continue to grow. Eyelids begin to open, and the retinas begin to form. The baby will grow over 1/2 inch this week and will be about 1 1/3 feet long (from crown of head to the toes or 9.6 inches from crown to rump)!

Maternal Changes:
Congratulations! You've finished the second trimester already! You may be experiencing some shortness of breath. Your uterus is close to your rib cage now, and your lungs may not be able to fully expand. Don't worry though. Your baby isn't lacking oxygen and your circulatory system is actually working more efficiently thanks to those pregnancy hormones that have caused you so much discomfort.

Ideas for Dad:
It's 2 am, and you're blissfully dreaming about winning the Indy 500 in record-breaking time. Suddenly, you're awakened by a pregnant woman who is shaking the buttons off your pajamas. You come to your senses (or at least you think you do), sit straight up in bed and ask her if she's sure it's time. "No, of course it's not time. But I HAVE to have some cold mooshy McDonald's french fries NOW or I'll just DIE. Hurry, PALEEEEEEZE." Nope, it's not labor . . . it's cravings! She's craving weird things, and you just want to sleep. She's insistent and you know there'll be no sleep until you go. What's a dad to do? Sound remotely familiar? Think of this as preparation for being awakened in the middle of the night by the baby - and you won't have to go to McDonald's for him. Try your best to suggest healthy snacks for Mom but realize at this point, your suggestions may not carry a lot of weight. If all else fails, keep your slippers by the front door and your car keys handy!

Inspirational Thoughts:
A flower has to go through a lot of dirt before it can bloom. ~Unknown

**************

Yesterday, I finally went and did the glucose test and other bloodwork for baby. Aunt Missy was gracious enough to watch Joshua, and he had a great time playing with her and the puppies. Thanks so much! I should have brought my camera along! I, on the other hand, did not have such a fun time. I thought this test was a breeze with Joshua. They make you drink some koolaid-type crap and then you get your blood drawn. Piece of cake! Only yesterday, I had a hard time getting down the ice cold, corn syrup-type substance. I had to work really hard not to throw it up. I kept telling myself that if I allowed my body to violently vomit it out, which is what my body kept signaling it was about to do, they would make me drink it again. Then they reminded me that I had to wait an hour to have the blood drawn. Ugh! It was torture. I was hot, my belly was nauscious and I had to give a urine sample in this dingy public bathroom on top of everything else. I was glad when it was finally my turn to go back and have my blood drawn. I felt woozy still as I left but got better throughout the day. That is definitely not how I felt with this test with Joshua. I'm just glad it's over! Hopefully I should have the results back at my doctor's appointment next week.

The End of Easter 2008

Let the Weekend Begin!

Friday Shawn emailed and said "We're going out to Carusos for dinner. No arguments. Be ready with the Bean." I protested slightly, letting him know I had already de-thawed the meat and had dinner planned. But, I LOVE getting out of the house, so this was a nice treat. Joshua was really good while we were there, even though he hadn't eaten much all week. I think we'd be lucky to see everything he eats add up to 200 calories. Oh, Bean, please start eating again! Anyway, some random woman came up to us when we were almost finished and told us we have the most adorable, well-behaved son. We were both proud parents of our precious little boy. Joshua has been sleeping through the night again for awhile now, which also helps our moods. :)

A Taxing Saturday

For as great as Friday started the weekend, Saturday was a rather blah day for me. I took Joshua over to my mom's house to play with Emma so we could work on our taxes. Mom was gracious enough to feed her baby & my baby some breakfast (yumm!) while Shawn went to Barnes & Nobles to research some tax laws & codes since this year was hairy for us with me being self-employed and us buying the rental house. Unfortunately, when he got home, Comcast was having an outage in our area; only, we didn't know that so Shawn spent quite a bit of time trying to fix our computer. Ugh! We barely got started with our taxes (since we were dowloading the tax software online) until it was time to pick up the Bean. And, somehow in the last couple of weeks we managed to lose the sheer curtains we had bought for our living room that mom was going to hem for us. Grrr...it was not a fun day. I decided to take a nap when Joshua did to see if my mood got better. Sure enough, a little sleep went a long way. (Thank God for my patient husband.) After I woke up, mom called to see if we wanted to join her for supper. Sure! Jen & Mike and their kiddos came along, too, and we all went to Hoss' and enjoyed the salad bar. Joshua & Daniel ended up sitting in high chairs across from one another to save space, and they were so cute. I wished I had taken my camera along...

Celebrating on Sunday

Sunday morning I had to be at church early since I played the keyboard for worship. Shawn was in charge of getting Joshua dressed and ready, and he did a super job! I was glad to see my boys at church. Joshua did well in the nursery again, so Shawn & I heard the entire sermon, sitting together as a couple. Hooray! The sermon was very good (and short!) on having confidence, with the word being broken down into con-fideo meaning "with faith." He told us how those who lack confidence are ones that seem full of pride and complain a lot, etc. (ouch - did that look like me on Saturday or what???). But, we must remember that we can do everything in Christ who strengthens us and equips us (Hebrews 13). Pastor Mark also noted that in order to do the things we are called to do confidently, we're going to have to read our Bibles. And, it's important to read the Bible thoroughly and in context. He said that many folks divide the Bible and use single verses to mean what they want to emphasize. He used a very funny example where he put together a bunch of lines from stories that were all true and from the Bible, but when they were strung together they made absolutely no sense. So, it's important to know God's word and be confident that He has given us the ability to do what He's called us to do.

After church, I made lunch using the meat I had gotten out of the freezer on Friday morning. In the meantime, Joshua napped. When he got up, we headed to Nonie & Poppy's to celebrate Easter with the Good's. He wasn't very interested in the egg hunt, but we've already enjoyed some of the items in his Easter 'basket' including the crayons and coloring book. Thanks so much! We ate a delicious dinner and enjoyed visiting with all the relatives. :) Joshua had so much fun with Kali, who played with him and fed him snacks and led him around. She asked if they could go outside, and he LOVED it! We all went out for awhile until I got too cold. Then Daddy & Unlce Brian stayed outside playing with the kiddos. Thus ends the Easter celebrations for this year...although we celebrate the reason for Easter every day!

More Fun Firsts for 4/4

I knew there were more cute things that Joshua was starting to do, but I was so tired Wednesday I couldn't think of them. So here are a few more cute Bean stories. The other day I had kicked off my socks & shoes in the office where we were playing, knowing I would need them again soon when we were leaving but feeling warm (don't 'barefoot' and 'pregnant' go together?). Later, Joshua discovered my socks, and saying "sock," came up to my feet and tried to put the sock on my foot. One, I thought it was so fascinating that he not only knew what it was, but he knew it was supposed to go on Momma's foot and was trying to help me like I help him everyday. It was precious. He did the same thing to help Dada get ready another night. I dug out some of my old Clifford books to read to the Bean, and he loves the Big Red Dog. We used to read Jordon's "Clifford Visits the Farm" which is where he began to say "quack" and "Mooo." Now his new favorite is "Clifford Takes a Trip." The last few days he's been pointing to Clifford on every page and says 'BOW WOW WOW!' because that's what Clifford says in his books rather than "woof, woof." It's so cute!Shawn & I have been teaching him to say "more, please" rather than just "more, more, more." His "more, please" sounds a bit more like "more cheese" but he's getting the idea. This morning I woke up to him politely shouting 'more cha--eeeeese!' I don't know what he wanted "more" of, but I'm sort of assuming it was me...getting him down to play, of course. :)Daddy has watched the Bean every night this week. Monday & Wednesday I had class, Tuesday I had worship practice, and last night I went to a neighborhood gathering of women, which was nice. (There I learned A LOT more about the people who owned this house before us, but that's a whole 'nother story...). Daddy has taken Joshua outside a few times, and Joshua is beginning to understand how to kick the ball and also to hold hands to do stairs. Daddy's getting frustrated, though, because Joshua now wants to climb down stairs whether there's anyone there or not. I think it's super that Joshua's willing to try to do stairs with Daddy. With me, he's all about the crawling on them (which is probably wise since I'm not as quick to catch as Dada is).Lastly, as I've been asking Joshua questions, there are times that I think he's trying to say "yes" which sounds like "yesshh" or he'll shake his head no and sometimes say "no." I love watching him learn to communicate. What a big boy!

God's Little Boy is...Self-Controlled

If you fail to learn to hold yourself back,

And let yourself go and get out of whack,

You'll be like this castle, once so grand,

Whose walls fall down when waves hit the sand.

A person who does not control himself

is like a city whose walls have been broken down.

Proverbs 25:28

Self-control is one of those areas that I always feel like I always fall short of the glory of God and must continue to work on. So, when I see Joshua struggling with the same thing, I understand that this is an area where he will definitely need prayer. His temper tantrums really do scare me, especially when he butts his head against hard objects, and I pray that he'll be able to be more self-controlled and express his frustration in different ways. But, self-control over expressing emotion is just one pertinent area. I want to pray for his self-control with eating healthy, being obedient, and living a healthy lifestyle...where he can lay down his will and rights for those of his heavenly father. Will you join me in praying for his self-control?

Heavenly Father, we thank you for Joshua and the person you are forming him to become. We pray right now for his life to bear the fruit of self-control. We know that good fruit comes from the tree or the source. So, we ask that your spirit would be His source and that self-control would come from his relationship with you. Please guide him in his temper tantrums and eating and help him to learn to control himself and express his emotions in other ways. And, help us to be good parents and understand his communication before the situation escalates. We thank you and praise you that you are building self-control in all of us. In Jesus' name, AMEN!

New Firsts

On Sunday at church, Joshua clapped along with the music during worship for the first time. He loves to clap for himself, but this time he clapped along to the fast songs like the rest of us were. So cute! He was fairly good the entire way through church, and I got to hear the entire sermon for the first time in a long time. Hooray!

Joshua also started playing peek-a-boo with just his little hands hiding his eyes. It's adorable to watch, but every once in awhile, he accidentally pokes himself in the eye. He's played peek-a-boo for a long time, but he always used a blanket or something else to hide his little face. Just those hands is priceless.

Another first happened over the weekend where Joshua was blowing kisses to us...and then he clapped his hand into his face like he was catching one. It was precious. It also sounded like he said "love you" tonight...it melted my heart.

On Sunday afternoon, I went to a baby shower for Shawn's cousin's wife (does that make us cousin-in-law's? I'll just say family...) and Shawn took Joshua to the petting zoo at Hayloft Candles for a little while. The Bean loved it! I love how well the two of them get along. There is no one in the world more special to Joshua than his loving Dada! They play the evenings and weekends away. I'm still the one that sings and snuggles Joshua to sleep at night, though, and we have our own bonding times.

There's another first...Tuesday morning, Joshua didn't wake up until 10:30 am!!! I kept checking on him, and he was breathing okay. I think he was just tired. I'm hoping that he's not getting a cold. Tuesday he refused to eat much of anything and his little nose is running again. Ugh!

I'm sure there was more to post about...from doing lunch with Nonie & Aunt Missy Tuesday to seeing my nieces and nephew over the weekend and Monday morning. I pulled a couple of good April Fools Day pranks, and Millersville University was in lockdown that day (thankfully I wasn't here). I've had writing jobs and worship practice and fun times with Joshua...but to post about them now? It's only Wednesday night and my brain is fried...maybe another day! For now you can enjoy the pictures of him wearing his Daddy's medal and playing.

Week 26

Fetal Development:
Your baby could weigh about two pounds now and be around 9 inches long (crown of the head to the rump). As the blood vessels in the lungs began last week, the air sacs in the lungs begin this week. The lungs begin to secrete surfactant which covers the inner lining of the air sacs which then allows the lungs to expand normally during breathing. Besides the active lung growth, the brain kicks in with brain wave activity for the visual and auditory systems.

Ideas for Dad:
How is the nursery coming? (Or, in our case Joshua's bedroom...) If you are planning to have everything ready, now is a good time to start. Paint the room (and keep Mom away from the fumes), put the furniture together and have fun preparing for this new little family member with Mom. These are a few of the things you can do for your baby while Mom is gestating.

Inspirational Thoughts:
"The best inheritance a parent can give his children is a few minutes of his time each day." ~O. A. Battista