Violently Ill

Joshua has caught a bad stomach virus that is "going around" - I'm assuming he might have picked it up at the doctor's office when we were there on Friday for his well-baby visit, but it could have been at the gym when I was there earlier this week. Who knows for sure? It started with severe diarrhea for a couple days (nasty!), followed by violent vomitting yesterday and today (even worse!!!). Last night we called the doctor's office, and the on-call nurse called us back and told us to keep giving Joshua Pedialite in a syringe. Well, he's onto syringes since he hates his new reflux medicine, so he refused to open up to take anything in. Fighting with a sick little one is no fun, so we decided to give it to him in the bottle. He threw it all back up.

This morning we talked to another nurse (the gal last night told me to call back in the morning to get the doctor's opinion on whether this is viral or a reaction to his new medicine), and she said only give him a few sucks on the bottle, then rip it out of his little hands, giving him about a teaspoon every five minutes. Then two teaspoons every 10 minutes, and so on building up his tolerance for something in his tummy. It was heartbreaking as he'd cry each time we took the bottle away, but we were terrified when he ran out of tears and didn't have any wet diapers. They told us to keep him hydrated, or he'd have to go into the hospital to get an IV to make sure he had fluids. So, we've been building up his tolerance throughout the day, and he's been doing a little better. He's still lethargic and quite sick, but I think we've turned the corner. The nurse I talked to today had kids with reflux, and she was very comforting. She thinks that this is a virus that other moms have called about today. She also said she's dealt with emergency room waits with her own children, and she recommended that if he doesn't do well overnight, come in first thing in the morning with him rather than having a sick kid in a waiting room for hours, unless he's near death. So, we'll see. Pray that he feels better! Poor guy!

Shawn has been very helpful, I must say. He's been barfed on twice, and yesterday he cleaned up the worst of the mess (I won't go into details) as I bathed the Bean. We've done more laundry, scrubbed our carpets on hands and knees and took apart more furniture in the last couple of days, along with giving Joshua at least three baths when it was inevitable, etc. But, I'm most concerned for our little pale Bean. Get well, my love!

Happy Birthday, Aunt Jen!

Happy birthday, big sister! Hope you have a super-duper day and great 34th year of life!

One-Year Well-Baby

Today we had Joshua's 1-year well-baby visit at Roseville Pediatrics. We saw Dr. Hoshauer, and the Bean weighed in at 21.7 lbs and just under 31 inches - so he's in the 35th percentile for weight and 55th percentile for length and head circumference. She didn't seem alarmed by the fact that he hadn't gained any weight since he's more mobile now; however, she noted from the bloodwork done that he's a 'class 1' for being allergic to milk and has lots of esophageels (sp?) in his bloodstream, so he could be using all his calorie intake to fight off the burning in his esophagus. She said she would recommend sticking with the plan of having Dr. Devenyi performing the "biopsy" on the Bean. So, we're scheduled for a week from Tuesday. In the meantime, Joshua can eat anything now except for peanuts, peanut butter, raisins and hot dogs; though we still need to make sure that we cut everything up for him or that it dissolves in his mouth since he doesn't have a full set of chompers yet. We can immediately start weaning him from the bottle, but she wasn't sure about switching over to whole milk yet. Originally she said it would be fine to do so, but then she wasn't sure with the upcoming procedure if it was a good idea. So, I'll probably call Dr. D's office to double check because both Shawn & I remember him saying that when we switch we'll probably know more. Dr. Hoshauer answered all the many, many questions I had taken with me, which was very nice and helpful. In addition, Joshua got three shots including the flu vaccine and they took more blood while we were there to test him for lead paint. Our poor little one passed out the moment we got back to the car and has napped ever since. I think he was worn out physically and emotionally. Dr.Hoshauer said that when we go back at 15 months he should know his animals, the sounds they make, his shapes and colors, etc. We have lots of work to do! Please, Lord, help me balance my work responsiblities with giving Joshua the attention he needs and deserves!

Bean's Follow-Up

Today we had Joshua's follow-up visit with Dr. Devenyi. The bloodwork revealed that Joshua doesn't have any known allergies, other than his milk tolerance was borderline. The highest it can be to be "normal" is .35 and it is exactly .35. So we'll see as he starts drinking regular milk if that was the problem or not. He also had questionable white blood cell counts, but nothing to alarm the doctor since he said children go through times of these normally. He still wants us to do the procedure where they look at Joshua's esophagus to determine the root of the problem - allergies or reflux that needs to be medicated. He also put Joshua on prilosec (sp?) since the prevacid wasn't doing the trick. He is alarmed that Joshua hasn't gained any weight since he was there last - our boy is still 21.9 lbs and holding steady while he's getting taller and taller. He also wants to see what the pediatrician has to say on Friday. Please pray for healing for our Bean! Yesterday in church we were asked to lift our hands up to God and declare His goodness over a situation - something that we haven't seen but have faith and hope for. I lifted up Joshua's overall health. Please agree with us in prayer!

Also pray for Shawn's Grandma Kennel. She had a heart attack and some internal bleeding and high blood pressure. She is currently at LGH on the 7th floor until she can have her heart surgery. We visited her yesterday before going to Grant's party - she looks great and is in good spirits. She got everyone's names mixed up as she talked about them, but that's fun-loving Grandma for you. Now we're praying for health for her, too.

Jamie is doing well and starting to eat more. Other than not being able to move on his own, I'd say he is thriving. Mom is hoping to go back to work part-time in the mornings and is looking for volunteers to take small shifts of watching him while she's gone.

I feel like I haven't posted in forever - Monday we went out to lunch with Julie & Jude, Kristen & Elliott, Kelly & Beth, John & his wife Sue (the ol' Masterpiece Marketing crew!). It was fun, and I learned about sticky plastic disposable placements - thanks Kristen! Monday night we got together with Grandma & Grandpa Ginder & Aunt Erica. The whole week flew by - Thursday I watched all of my nieces for Jen and the contractors came to bid on our projects that afternoon. Friday Julie & Jude stopped in with Joshua's birthday gift, Saturday Shawn didn't end up having to work and we saw Grandma & Grandpa Ginder. It was a nice weekend, and this week is busy, busy, busy with writing projects and school and doctors appointments for the Bean.

Exploring His World...

Joshua has entered into a new phase of life. He no longer is satisfied with baby food from a jar of any kind. He only likes what he can pick up himself and put into his own mouth, but will occasionally allow me to feed him only selective items like rice cereal (that stuff looks so gross to me yet he LOVES it). He likes to hold his own spoon now, even if that means double the mess. On his birthday after his bath I was brushing his teeth, and he stole the toothbrush and was trying to do it himself.He likes to open every cupboard in the kitchen and pull things out, just to look at them. Since we're planning on getting our kitchen remodeled, I'm waiting to reorganize the cabinets but there are a few that I'm already okay with him opening and exploring. Yesterday he crawled into the master bathroom just as I was flushing the toilet. Now, he wants to do it - all the time. He also thinks unraveling the toilet paper is hysterical. Silly Bean!He used to enjoy snuggling with Momma in bed if he couldn't sleep, but not anymore. With our mission style bed, he can pull up on what Shawn & I call the "jail cell" pieces and dive for things he sees like remotes, etc. He still enjoys the occasional hug, but he's not as much of a cuddlebug as he once was. He's too busy for that now. There's a whole world out there for him to experience. The above picture is of Joshua as he climbed up onto our guest bed and then climbed over the pillows to reach a vase of flowers on the dresser. He doesn't eat grass as much anymore but he loves to look for fallen leaves. Most everything goes into his mouth still, as he explores with all five senses. I was trying to show him how to color the other day, but all he wanted to do was eat the crayons. Yuck! So, we'll try again in a week or so. He is so adorable, but he is definitely all boy wanting to experience the world, in his own way and at his own time and on his own terms. We have transitioned from baby into more of a toddler, I think...

Don't Miss It...

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." ~ Robert Brault

The above quote was on my friends' mom's blog, and the entry below was taken off my friend Julie's sight. When I read it, it brought tears to my eyes and even as I think about it again, it continues to do so. Shawn & I both agree that it's hard to remember Joshua at just a few months. I remember him at three pounds because I dropped everything I was doing just to have a few moments to hold him in the hospital. Now, I try to juggle everything, and I fear I take my time with him for granted. Please pray that we keep our priorities straight, that the Bean feels loved and has enough attention...that we cling to our moments with him and thank God for every moment we have together.

For the first time in a very long time, I am neither pregnant nor mothering a baby. My "baby" is now two years old. And with a certainty that takes my breath away, I suddenly understand why wise women always told me that the time would go so quickly. To be sure, I've had more "baby time" than most women. My first baby will be 16 in a few days. I still think it's over much too soon.

This column is for mothers of infants and toddlers. I am going to attempt to do something I never thought I'd do: I'm going to empathize while not in your situation. My hope is that it is all so fresh in my memory that I can have both perspective and relevance.

What you are doing, what you are living, is very difficult. It is physically exhausting. It is emotionally and spiritually challenging. An infant is dependent on you for everything. It doesn't get much more daunting: there is another human being who needs you for his very life. Your life is not your own at all. You must answer the call (the cry) of that baby, regardless of what you have planned. This is dying to self in a very pure sense of the phrase. And you want to be with him. You ache for him. When he is not with you, a certain sense of restlessness edges its way into your consciousness, and you are not at complete peace.

If you are so blessed that you have a toddler at the same time, you wrestle with your emotions. Your former baby seems so big and, as you settle to nurse your baby and enjoy some quiet gazing time, you try desperately to push away the feeling that the great, lumbering toddler barreling her way toward you is an intruder. Your gaze shifts to her eyes, and there you see the baby she was and still is, and you know that you are being stretched in ways you never could have imagined.

This all might be challenge enough if you could just hunker down in your own home and take care of your children for the next three years; but society requires that you go out - at least into the marketplace. So you juggle nap schedules and feeding schedules and snowsuits and car seats. It's the details that overwhelm you, drain you, distract you from the nobility of it all.

You will survive. And here is the promise: if you pray your way through this time, if you implore the Lord at every turn, if you ask Him to take this day and this time and help you to give Him something beautiful, you will grow in ways unimagined. And the day will come when no one is under two years old. You will - with no one on your lap - look at your children playing contentedly together without you. And you will sigh. Maybe, like me, you will feel your arms are uncomfortably empty, and you will pray that you can hold a baby just once more. Or maybe, you will sense that you are ready to pass with your children to the next stage.

This is the place where nearly two decades of mothering babies grants me the indulgence of sharing what I would have done differently. I would have had far fewer obligations outside my home. Now, I see that there is plenty of time for those, and that it is much simpler to pursue outside interests without a baby at my breast. I wish I'd spent a little more time just sitting with that baby instead of trying to "do it all."

I wish I'd quieted the voices telling me that my house had to look a certain way. I look around now and I recognize that those houses that have "that look" don't have these children. Rarely are there a perfectly-kept house and a baby and a toddler under one roof. Don't listen to the voices that tell you that it can be done. It should not be done. I wish I hadn't spent 16 years apologizing for the mess. Just shoot for "good enough." Cling to lower standards and higher goals.

I wish I'd taken more pictures, shot more video and kept better journals. I console myself with the knowledge that my children have these columns to read. They'll know at least as much about their childhoods as you do.

I wish I could have recognized that I would not be so tired forever, that I would not be standing in the shallow end of the pool every summer for the rest of my life, that I would not always have a baby in my bed (or my bath or my lap). If I could have seen how short this season is (even if mine was relatively long), I would have savored it all the more.

And I wish I had thanked Him more. I prayed so hard. I asked for help. But I didn't thank Him nearly enough. I didn't thank Him often enough for the sweet smell of a newborn, for the dimples around pudgy elbows and wrists, for the softening of my heart, for the stretching of my patience, for the paradoxical simplicity of it all. A baby is a pure, innocent, beautiful embodiment of love. And his mother has the distinct privilege, the unparalleled joy, of watching love grow. Don't blink. You'll miss it.

One Year Portraits

Our electronic pictures finally arrived in my inbox. Joshua did an amazing job of smiling for the camera, not trying to crawl off the table and seemed to enjoy his time there. Enjoy the pictures!Don't I look handsome in my button-down shirt & vest?Yes, my hair still sticks up - just the way Daddy & Mommy like it!Soon these toes will be covered with shoes & socks!This is the way I normally sit - the gal with the puppy is cracking me up here!I'm a big boy and can stand now!Isn't my profile just adorable? Mommy loves my big blue eyes, soft lips and pudgy cheeks.I'm smiling at mommy...

Aren't I super-duper handsome?

How old is Joshua?

Joshua's 1st Birthday 09-18-07

Yippee! It's Joshua's First Birthday Party!

On Saturday we celebrated Joshua's first birthday with all our family who loved him enough to come, except for Grandpa Georgia who called that morning to tell him he was thinking about him. Uncle Kevin & Aunt Missy were the first ones to arrive, as Daddy was still preparing the new grill we bought (we won't mention the fire that almost ignited on our sun porch...). Next came Poppy & Jordon, who was so excited for the party that he woke the Bean up from his nap. I was finishing up the last minute preparations of food - which included bacon cheeseburgers with all the fixin's, hotdogs, homemade macaroni salad, baked beans with bacon, apple slices, a veggie tray and individual bags of doritos & sunchips. Everything fit pretty well on our folding table and my mom's, which she had brought over earlier. We also had two coolers (thanks, Nonie & Poppy for letting us borrow yours!) stocked with drinks from water to soda to juice and even iced tea and chocolate milk. The Elmo decorations were in place from balloons on the mailbox and his high chair to banners in the living room and over the food table on the sunporch, etc. As I was finishing up, Great Grandma Good arrived and so did Nonie & Aunt Hilary. Soon thereafter was Uncle Brian, Aunt Gayle & Grant. Next came our friends Greg & Suzanne from New Jersey, where they recently moved after Greg finished up his doctorate at Harvard - he's now doing his post-doc at Princeton University. Then my side of the family arrived - Aunt Becky, Uncle Tim, Grandma, Grandpa Jamie, Great Aunt Karen, Aunt Jen, Uncle Mike and Grace, Faith, Emma & Daniel. It was a full house!


We started outside, even though it was a little chilly. Everyone participated in a word find of Joshua's favorite things from his first year of life with words like "ceiling fans, tv remotes, peekaboo, green beans, dogs, balls" etc. Greg cracked me up because some of the pens I dug out didn't work, but he came with his pockets fully stocked to lend one where it was needed. Uncle Tim won the prize of an Elmo bucket filled with candy and a lottery ticket. Then it was time to eat. Poppy took the place of honor grilling for Shawn since he had been feeling under the weather, and the food was delicious, even though the burgers were gi-normous! We had bought them pre-made from Costco and I think they were much too big to eat gracefully. Everyone sat outside in our backyard in their lawnchairs, ate, watched the kids play and talked.


Once almost everyone was finished we brought out the Bean's birthday cake and sang to him. He looked at the cake and dipped his first hand in. (See the progression below). Yum... he was very gentle at first, scooping up icing and putting it to his lips. Then, he began getting more and more. Soon, Daddy said "So big!" and Joshua put his hands to his head. From there it was all over - cake & icing was everywhere. It covered his outfit, the highchair and his body. So, thankfully my sister Jen helped cut the cake and my mom scooped the icecream and my sister Becky helped serve our guests the larger cake as Shawn gave the Bean a bath and I made coffee and cleaned up the food that needed to be refridgerated. I also had lots of help with that, too, which was so sweet. Everyone was amazingly nice and helpful, from Bonnie throwing Joshua's cake clothes straight into the washing machine and helping clean up cake off the bathroom floor to Gayle offering to clean up the high chair to Mike putting food into smaller containers so it would all fit back into our fridge.
After cake & icecream, the sun was starting to go down and the wind was starting to pick up, so we decided to open gifts inside. My brothers-in-law Mike & Tim and Shawn helped get Jamie inside in his wheelchair and Joshua greeted the party in his PJ's, fresh from his bath. He sat on my lap and "read" the cards as I opened his gifts. Some day he'll be able to open his own presents! He was blessed with so many nice things from books to shoes to clothes to a potty seat to eating equipment to toys to money for college and more! All the kiddos started enjoying his gifts, including the cars/trains and books. Joshua was happy that everyone could have fun at his party.Thank you to everyone who came to make the day special for him. We will never forget it. Hooray for the Bean!

Clap On, Clap Off...the CLAPPER!

Last night after I posted on the blog, I was sitting with Joshua and one of his toys started playing music. I clapped and so did he! Of course I clapped that he was clapping and he continued to clap widely like I was. Daddy was in the room with us and we were both thrilled at this new accomplishment. Bean was hamming it up since we were both praising him. Way to go, Joshua!

Shoe Shopping

This morning Joshua & I met Grandma to go shoe shopping for Joshua. Jamie's mom & brother stayed with him while we headed to Badorf Shoe in Rothsville. They have so many cute shoes for boys (and girls, of course)! They measured his feet at 4 wide. He did NOT like shoes being put on his feet, though, and would curl his toes when the gal would go to put a pair on him. She was super sweet, and he liked her a lot, just not the shoes themselves. We found a pair of sneakers that were velcro with rubber soles, flexible & breathable material that fell below his ankles for ease with walking. They're even washable (although, he'll outgrow them in just a few months). They were everything the baby book recommended, but they were a little salty. Grandma bought them for his birthday. Hooray for our big boy learning to walk! He's cruising around more each day.This afternoon we signed the paperwork to get our renovations bid out for the best prices. We've had some estimates given to us already, but this will be for a majority of the work. Shawn has a bad cold again so he ended up staying here after the paperwork was finished and watched Joshua while I went to get my haircut. Please pray that he feels better for Joshua's birthday party! We have lots to get done and not much time! Tonight a gal came over to look at our kitchen to give us a quote on doing that. It will be interesting to see what that comes in at.

We can't believe that our little boy turns one in less than a week! We'll be turning around his car seat, weaning him off the bottle and other new exciting changes. We already see so much personality in him. He has a little bit of a temper we're finding out already, but he is also so sweet and so happy most of the time. He makes us laugh non-stop. Here are pictures of him rolling the ball and playing "So Big!" When we say "how big is Joshua?" he throws his hands up in the air, but then he puts them onto his hair, as you'll see below. He was also showing Nonie how he plays peekaboo when she watched him Wednesday while I was at class. We love it! The only thing he has yet to do is clap...