GET OUT!

On Thursday, February 16, a tornado went through our bedroom first thing in the morning. The floor was on the ceiling, the ceiling was on the wall, and no matter how hard I tried, I could not physically move for a few moments. I screamed for Shawn to take the baby so he wouldn't fall. Then I started to dry heave into the middle of our bed. Shawn told me to get to the bathroom but I told him I couldn't move - how could anyone move with all the spinning?

Shawn had already told me the night before that he was so schnarky, congested and feeling downright awful that he was most likely going to call in sick to work to rest and work from home. He did indeed call in sick and worked from home, but he also helped take care of the kids. There hadn't been a tornado, and as much as I insisted the room was moving and would grasp on to anything I could to try and get my bearings, there were times it wouldn't stop moving.

I took Advil Migraine, but my severe headache didn't go away. It was the worst I can remember feeling. Ever. It was SO strange. Shawn took Joshua to preschool and picked him up. I tried to lay down but I was so nauseous from our bedroom continuing to spin. I asked Shawn what he had burned to make all the smoke come into our room. He said our room wasn't smokey. It was an awful feeling. And I was grateful that even though he wasn't feeling well, he kept the household running smoothly that day.

On Friday, Manheim Township School District had off for a long President's Day weekend. With the warm weather (praise God for how mild this winter has been!!!), I decided that no matter how I was feeling, I must get the kids outside. Even though Shawn asked if he needed to take another day off work, I told him to go back if he was feeling okay because I would do what I needed to do to keep the family going. I still had a severe headache but the room had stopped turning.

After we went for a walk, I took the boys to the playground behind our house since the school was closed. Then we played in the driveway for a little while. It was a gorgeous day! It's even been nicer since - Thursday, 2/23 hit nearly 60 degrees! The sun was shining to the point that we all played without our coats on outside for most of the afternoon. Thank You, Father, for the sunshine and fresh air!

My headache didn't go away. Even now, it's still there but much less severe. On Monday morning, I made a doctor's appointment after looking up my symptoms on WebMd. It said that vertigo (or dizziness such as I felt) can come from an inner ear infection or another vast array of reasons. Maybe that was it, I wondered? The doctor said that we definitely wanted it to be my ears. But, when she looked in, she said they were fine. She did some other tests checking my nerves and said she didn't think it was a stroke because both sides of my body were functioning fine and I didn't have any tingling sensations. She then ordered a brain MRI, noting that at times there can be small tumors that develop behind the ears that make us severely dizzy because our ears, eyes (and something else I'm forgetting now) all work together to give us our sense of balance. Other tumors in the brain can do this as well, but rather than jump to conclusions her next guess was a small tumor that would NOT be cancerous but would still need to be removed. It was a little unnerving. Cancer doesn't run in our family, but I had no desire to have any kind of surgery to remove anything growing where it shouldn't be. After all, I have three small children who need me day-to-day! I thought of my friend from high school who had brain surgery for her epilepsy and continues to struggle with this disease. I felt more empathy for her that day than ever before - Lord, please heal her! 

The doctor's other explanation was that this was within the vast array of the migraine phenomena that they still don't completely understand. She gave me steroids to take to try to knock out the headache. She then noted that I may not want to nurse while taking them six days. I told her that there was NO WAY I wasn't going to feed my baby for six days, but she said that they shouldn't have much of an effect on him. Then I asked the pharmacist who said that they do get into the breast milk and I may not want to take them and nurse (which I would simply not take them then even though my head is pounding). I called the pediatrician who assured me that taking them is fine. They are only for six days and should not have any lasting effect on my little Schnook. Praise the Lord! Then, I waited for my doctor's office to schedule the MRI - their insurance referral coordinator was out of the office and no one else knew how to do a simple referral (how stupid is that?). The insurance company approved the test immediately upon getting the request, and it was scheduled for Wednesday morning, 2/22.

While I didn't think it was probably anything worth worrying about, I was concerned. I told Shawn that there's no real good explanation. I could believe that nothing was wrong if I didn't feel so awful. He said he wasn't worried, and I too felt a supernatural peace. But, it got us thinking. I started thinking what would my priorities be if I found out something was significantly wrong? What would I want to do differently in life? Sometimes I think just taking time to think and plan is a good thing, so I would say that would be the blessing that came out of all this. While Shawn didn't seem overly concerned, he turned up the sweetness a notch. He's always very romantic and kind, but I saw extra specialness this week. He came home early on Monday to make sure I got to school on time whereas I'm normally rushing. On Tuesday, I said "I can't believe I didn't have a fausnaucht today on this 'holiday'" and he got out of his PJs and changed into street clothes and went and bought me one. How nice is that? It meant a lot - even though it was "just a donut" that he would go out of his way to do something special to say he was thinking of me. Love him!

The MRI place called me late Tuesday afternoon and went over the medical history questions. Then they told me that I could not nurse Ryan 24 hours after the test. WHAT!?!?! The exam called for an injection of contrast to see even the smallest of tumors, and that contrast does get into breast milk. I was devastated. I tried to pump, but he had already emptied my supply. I prayed and prayed and prayed for him. I woke up overnight and fed him and then again in the morning before leaving. We had formula, but he hasn't taken a bottle for daddy in months. Even when I'm teaching, I typically feed him before leaving and again when I get home. I was SO upset!

Wednesday morning, Shawn agreed to go in late (thank you, God, for this husband who takes care of us!). That morning I got up before the crack of dawn to make sure I had plenty of time to feed little Ryan and get ready for the day. In my devotions, I read where David had begged God to not delay and have mercy on him. As I was praying, I felt as if God said that I was healed. Then I went online after my prayer time and saw a funny joke on Pinterest that had the following picture. How amusing is that?

I was out the door by 6:30am and at the health campus to get the MRI. It was LOUD! If I didn't have a headache before I still would have afterward. It was 45 minutes of banging noise and you have to stay still. BUT, I saw God's grace through all of it. I was SO tired that I was able to stay still (normally I'm almost as fidgety as Caleb Luke!) and try to rest. The room was decorated like Jamaica, which was peaceful to me. The machine was 4 feet wide and not the small tubes they used to be, so I didn't feel all that claustrophobic. And the lady was able to get my vein for the contrast on the first try, something that rarely happens for me. I'm usually a pin cushion! So, that was all nice and the test took less time than expected. I pulled in the driveway right as Shawn was leaving to take the boys to school, so we all went as a family. :)

Because a new program they offer called MyLGHealth (or something like that), I was able to go online and get my results as soon as they were posted. By that afternoon I saw that everything was "NORMAL" on my MRI. When Shawn had prayed for us the night before, he prayed "Lord, when they look at Val's brain tomorrow, let them find nothing but blue sky." I laughed out loud. Honey, I said, I'd like to think there's more than blue sky between my ears. Haaa!!! But, I do have a brain, and it looks 'normal' according to the results. So, glory to God! It doesn't explain my headache or vertigo, but I'm guessing it's hormonal and migraine-related.

The worst part of the day by far was the fact that Ryan would not take a bottle. I mixed up some formula at lunch time and he wouldn't take it. So, I gave him two jars of solid food, picking the most 'runny' of the bunch. Then he napped. At dinner time, he kept saying "mama, mama, mama." But, he wouldn't take a bottle again. He screamed when it came near his face. I tried to force the issue, but he refused. I gave him more solid food. I tried a sippy cup and he took a sip or two of water. He went to bed screaming. It had been over 16 hours since he had had a drop to drink. The nurse there had told me that it wasn't significantly harmful to babies to have contrast, but why take any risks or chances. By that night, I asked Shawn to look up what he could find. There's little that passes through to the milk and no studies showed any adverse affects to babies. There's just limited research available. We agreed that my pumping throughout the day up to this point should suffice to mitigate any risks related to passing contrast to the baby. What was worse? Not feeding him or the slightest chance that there may be something bad that they haven't found yet in all their studies? We prayed and then I fed him. Never before have I been so glad to nurse my baby!

Thursday was a little slice of heaven in Lancaster County. I knew I would survive and didn't have any big issues or looming surgeries, I was feeding a now pleasant Ryan who shouldn't remember the rough day we had, Joshua had a great report from his teacher at the conferences, Caleb played puzzle books with me and outside most of the morning with Mamaw, and the boys & I took advantage of the 60-degree weather and stayed outside most of the day. I even had the windows open for fresh air! Last night was also my moms night out with my Study & Share girls. It was a great day. While some folks thank God for Friday, I was thrilled to be alive Thursday and thankful that while sorrow may stay for a night, His joy comes in the morning! :) :) :)