Picture days at preschool were the last week in October. I thought all the boys looked handsome on both days (Joshua's were Tuesday and Caleb's were Wednesday), so I snapped a picture on Tuesday of them. Do you think I remembered on Wednesday to take another? The answer is no, unfortunately. But, I love my little guys! My job is to raise them up to be men of God - what an awesome responsibility! It scares me at times. In being completely honest, I feel like I fail every day. For example, the one day I did nothing but play with them. Then I felt guilty that my house needed cleaned. The next day, I worked hard at finishing all the laundry, scrubbing the bathrooms, and generally cleaning the house... but I felt guilty that I missed quality time with my boys. Many days they don't watch any TV, and I wonder if I'm robbing them of knowing characters and things that other kids are learning through the "good" programs. Then if there's a day that I let them watch an hour or so of it, I wonder if I'm turning them into couch potatoes or not being interactive enough. Is the guilt of a mom ever over? As much as I feel like I'll never be good enough or the perfect parent, I wake up and try again. It's not "three strikes and you're out!" You keep going and going, doing your best and letting God do the rest.
One of my (annoying) students came up to me the other night - as he does after class each and every week to talk to me - and said: "You know, I hate to be told 'no.' I never wanted my parents to say no to me, and I'm still like that today. So, I also don't want to say no to other people." In thinking of my students, I would say a majority of them have never been told no before, and they don't know how to handle it. For example, I was asked 'If I get an A on this test, can I skip the final?' No. What do you mean, no? And as the old saying goes "No means no." I had one student who didn't read her assignments, didn't hand in quality papers, didn't have anything relevant to say during class discussions and failed ever single quiz. She was upset that she failed the course and asked to write a short essay to change her grade to a C or better. I said no. I offered to let her re-do one of her original papers, and she refused. She did give me a little section of it back, which was enough to boost her grade to a D-. She was irate and disputed her grade. I'm glad that the authorities above me also said no. But, as students do course evaluations of their instructors, she gave me low marks and said that my grading standards are unfair. And whether I like it or not, her evaluation is factored in with all the rest to give me the final total on my scores.
The problem is not that my grading standards are unfair, it's that they are TOO fair. I'm getting the general sense that most students are simply given grades or when they complain they receive an "easy" way to make a 'C' so that students will in turn give these instructors a good grade on their evaluations. Many of my students admit to not reading most books for most classes that they are in. I was once in their situation, so I can relate to them.
As I was thinking about this subject, I thought about the fact that when Joshua gets his homework back, he gets a sticker on it. Maybe that's what I should do. Rather than correcting them for grammar, spelling, content and formatting, maybe I should just put a nice, sweet sticker on.
But, what is fair? Is fair simply never saying no? As I'm looking at these three little faces, I realize that if I LOVE them, then I have to say no. And I have to say no quite often these days. Sometimes I feel downright awful, thinking that I've said no for the hundredth time. But, as the Bible says, God disciplines His sons who He loves. If we are to be growing in the image of Christ, then we also need to discipline our sons. A pertinent example from our house is that Shawn & I often cringe at dinner time. How do we not make it a fight to get the boys to eat healthy? Am I serving healthy options? Do the boys simply wait us out for snacks? We struggle saying no when we also struggle with healthy eating. How we pray for God's wisdom!
My prayer for my boys is that they do not turn out to be extraordinarily selfish, self-centered and self-indulgent teens-20s and beyond! I hope they are not annoying their teachers, STARVING for attention, and admitting that they simply won't ever take no for an answer. Sometimes the "no" that we receive from God is simply because the "yes" is around the corner (and is WAY better for us!). And other times the "no" is simply what we need at the time to be a better person. I know I struggle with discipline myself. :( How I hope for better for my boys!
I sometimes feel like I am too hard on them. Do I yell instead of take the time to simply instruct? Some days (probably too many) I realize that this has been a major weakness. But, I'm trying, and I hope that they know that when they look back or read this. I hope they know that we love them and are doing our very best to raise them in a godly manner.
1 comment:
You have no idea how normal you are and how much I needed to read this particular blog entry you wrote. I struggle on a daily basis and question everything I say and do with Ben. Am I being too negative, do I praise him enough, should I say yes more, am I too hard on him, do we have too high expectations at 3 1/2, ETC., ETC., ETC! Don and I were just talking about this last night. We love them so much and just want them to grow up to be "normal"-kind, respectful, and grateful. I try so hard not to yell and after many pleases and many warnings, I finally yell and then have mommy guilt for two hours after the fact. It's hard being a parent. That is why we all need eachother for support. We both know that our kids love us and we are doing the best that we can-some days will just be easier than others. :~ You are a fantastic mom!
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